


Pink Kryptonite

by silverwriter01



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Pink Kryptonite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-28 01:39:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 31,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8425756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverwriter01/pseuds/silverwriter01
Summary: Kara Danver's life changed when she fell victim to the Black Mercy. Reflections of her 'perfect fantasy world' leave her with shaken and with questions. What is pink kryptonite and why did her mother place it in the back of her pendant? How does she tell Alex that she actually was part of her fantasy world?





	1. I'm not gay.

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place prior to Season 2 and I'm ignoring the Kryptonian spaceship landing at the end of the finale. I was left feeling overwhelmed by the chemistry between Kara and Alex. Really, though, those ladies have amazing chemistry with everyone but especially each other.
> 
> I just couldn't believe that Alex hadn't been a part of Kara's fantasy world so story ideas started bouncing around my head. I decided to write it all down before I started Season 2.
> 
> I've never posted an in-complete fiction before. It's always been the whole thing or nothing at all. I don't know how many chapters or how long this will be . This is a flood of writing so let's hope we survive the ride.

_“Oh my god! You’re a lesbian. Oh, Kara, that’s why you’re not into me. This is great news!” - Winn_

_“No. I’m not gay!” – Kara_

Kara Danvers wasn’t gay. She really wasn’t. Nor was she bisexual. It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought about it. How could she not think about it when she was surrounded by amazing, intelligent, badass women all the time? If Kara was going to have feelings for any woman, she was certain she would have developed them with Cat Grant, Lucy Lane, or even Alex. But she didn’t have feelings for them.

Okay, well, she did have some feelings for them (I mean who wouldn’t have a crush on Ms. Grant?) but she didn’t have  _feelings_  for them. She wasn’t sexual attracted to them. She admired them and even loved them, but she had no sexual desire for women as she did with men.

Kara thought it was a shame. She enjoyed the emotional connection she had with the women of her life. She thought it would be perfectly natural for those feelings towards women to carry over from loving them to being _in_ love with them. They just didn’t.

 ***

_After Myriad_

 "How may I help you, Kara?"

Kara hated the monotone voice of the artificial intelligence. Every time she saw the hologram, her heart broke. Her first instinct was the desire to run up and hug the figure. Yet every time it spoke, she knew it wasn't her mother. Kara held out a clear, container with gray edges. The edges were lead, used to keep the radioactive material from affecting her. "Tell me what this is."

"That is the necklace Zor-El gave me the day you were born. I gave it to you before you were sent away from Krypton." The hologram replied.

"What is on the back?" Kara asked, flipping the container so the back of the pendant could be seen. It always lay perfectly against her skin every time she wore it. No one on Earth had seen the back of her pendant. No one except for Alex, of course. That was the story of her life in some ways. Everything was "except for Alex."

"That is 2.4 grams of Pink Kryptonite."

Kara wasn't surprised. It even made sense that she had been affected by kryptonite since she was 13 years old. Her mother had made her promise to never go more than a few days without wearing it. In the precious moments before Krypton had exploded, Alura gave the barest of explanations. "It is to help you fit in. You will understand when you are older. Always keep it near, Kara."

Kara had worn the necklace faithfully. Her first few years on Earth, she wore it every day. As the years went on, she wore it every other day or held it close. She knew the material on the back had been placed there for her because the kryptonite had not been there the years her mother wore it. So it made complete sense the pendant had been affecting Kara for years; she just didn't know how.

"What does Pink Kryptonite do?"


	2. Perfect Fantasy World

_“We need to talk about that ‘perfect fantasy world’ I was in. I want to tell you guys why I imagined myself on Krypton. It’s not because I hate it here. It’s because the past few weeks I’ve been feeling lost. Like I did when I first came to Earth. So I started fantasizing about the things I used to back then. I chose to come back because I realized I belong here with you. My family.” -Kara_

Kara didn’t miss how Alex looked away as she described being on Krypton without her, Winn, or James. She knew Alex was holding back her thoughts, not showing how much it hurt that Alex didn’t have a place in her perfect fantasy. Supergirl was correct in her assumptions.

Alex’s mind was screaming with unspoken anger caused from pain. She couldn’t even begin to fathom a world without Kara and it hurt her that Kara didn’t feel the same. Of course Kara would be in her ‘perfect fantasy world’. Alex could see her fantasy world without any help from a Black Mercy.

The mini-family continued to eat and drink throughout the night until it was the next day. James and Winn wished the sisters goodnight and left. Kara never suggested Alex leave and Alex hadn’t planned on it. They had an unspoken conversation. Kara wanted Alex to stay, needed her to. Alex didn’t want to be anywhere else. Even though she was filled with guilt over lying to Kara about Astra, she wanted to be by the superhero's side.

Even though Kara was filled with guilt over lying to Alex about the Black Mercy, she still wanted to by the agent's side.

The pair cleaned up the dinner mess and made their way to Kara’s bed. Alex pulled out a pair of shorts and a soft, t-shirt from her drawer. Yes, she had a drawer at Kara’s place and there was nothing strange about that. Once it was her turn in the bathroom, Alex pulled out her bathroom kit from under the sink and brushed her teeth. She then changed into her night clothes and crawled into bed beside Kara. The younger woman immediately wrapped herself around Alex and let out a long sigh.

Alex waited for the tears to come, from either of them, but they never came. Kara fell asleep using Alex’s shoulder as a pillow. Alex was left awake, reviewing everything that had happened that day. She reran the situation with Astra and J’onn over in her head a dozen times, finding no other way to resolve that situation. She wasn’t upset she had killed Astra. She was upset she had caused Kara so much pain and didn’t even have the courage to tell Kara the truth. Alex played out a hundred scenarios where she told Kara the truth and every scenario she tried to imagine broke her heart. Every conversation led to losing Kara. That was something she couldn’t bear.

The DEO agent switched her thinking to her fantasy world. She didn’t need help from the Black Mercy, but the spirits she had drunk from the expensive bottle James had brought did help her imagination. She could see it so clearly:

Alex would have just finished kicking the ass of a renegade Fort Rozz prisoner. Supergirl was taking care of a few human crimes on the other side of the city. Alex would be slapping on the cuffs as Supergirl landed beside her. The blonde would pout. “You couldn’t save me a bit of the action?”

Alex would grin, “Maybe next time, Supergirl. I’ll see you back at headquarters.”

Back at the DEO, J’onn would tell her ‘good work’ and ‘I’m proud of you’. Then she would remind him of dinner.

She would go home to find Kara panicking about dinner even though everyone had eaten there dozens of times before. Their home was a new place, a much bigger apartment. It was their place, her and Kara’s. The logic behind why Alex wanted to move in with her sister in a ‘perfect fantasy world’ was fuzzy. Something about needing a bigger place with lots of roof and balcony access for Supergirl and Kara not being able to afford it working at Catco. Never mind they both held well-paying jobs at the DEO. Alex didn’t want to dwell too long on that part of the fantasy; it would just ruin it.

Her mother and father would be the first to arrive. They would be so happy and in love. They had rescued Jeremiah from Cadmus and Alex had been able to reverse everything they did to him. Her parents would set the table. J’onn would arrive next. He’d hold up dessert he had brought and Alex would have to wrap her arms around Kara in a mock show of holding the sweet-toothed blonde back.

Winn, James, and Lucy would show up last. James and Winn were part of her fantasy because they were Kara’s family. They made Kara happy and Alex wanted Kara to be the happiest she could be in her perfect world. Lucy was there because she was James’ girlfriend and her co-boss at the DEO with J’onn. She and Alex had grown to be respectful of each other, one could even hedge they were friends.

Dinner would be full of laughter and love. Then everyone would leave. She and Kara would end up cuddled on the couch under a blanket. Kara would look at her with those stunning blue eyes and say, “It was a really good day.”

“The best,” Alex would respond, leaning over to kiss…

Alex’s body jolted out of her fantasy. She had been half-asleep, her thoughts moving over into dreams. She felt her whole body flush as she realized what her dream had been leading up to. She whispered, “Oh my god.”

Kara grumbled in her sleep. Alex blushed harder, wondering if the alien could read her mind. She shook that thought from her head. She knew neither Kara nor Kal-El had telepathy. Alex was left with the overwhelming desire to flee. If she left, she could work on forgetting what she had almost dreamt. She couldn’t ignore the fact she had _not_ been leaning over to kiss Kara’s forehead or cheeks. Her aim had been slightly lower. Alex made a motion to get out of bed.

“No,” Kara’s voice firmly stated. The superhero had woken up at the movement, but was sleepy enough to be selfish. “Stay.”

Kara rolled over and reached behind her to take Alex’s arm to pull it with her. Alex found herself being the big spoon to Kara’s little spoon. Alex could do this. She could give comfort and support from this position just as she had always tried to do for Kara.

“Stop thinking so loudly,” Kara complained, adjusting her head on her pillow. “Go to sleep, Al.”

Alex snorted at the horrible shortening of her name. She concluded Kara must be exhausted to call her ‘Al’. Listening to Kara’s steady breathing, Alex was lured asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is 'Al'?


	3. The Prayer of the Dead

_“It is our custom for a surviving female to lead the rites. Do you remember the Prayer of the Dead?”- Non_

_“You have been the sun of our lives. Our prayers will be the sun that lights your way on the journey home. We will remember you in every dawn and await the night we join you in the sky. Rao’s will be done.”-Kara_

Normally, Alex respected her sister’s privacy. She always knocked before entering her apartment instead of using her key. Tonight, she had no patience for privacy.

Kara blinked as her front door slammed opened, but she wasn’t surprised. The superhero sat curled up on her couch still wearing her Super-suit after her confrontation with Hank.

Alex took several deep breaths, trying to focus on all the things she had thought after Hank told her Kara had quit the DEO. The first and foremost thing to do was tell Kara the truth. Alex opened her mouth to tell her. A minute went by as she tried to find the words. When words failed, she made a sharp right turn to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of alcohol that Kara kept by the sink just for her.

“Alex, come here,” Kara requested softly. Alex exhaled loudly and gulped the rest of her drink. She walked over with the full intent to tell Kara the truth about Astra. She made a motion to kneel, but Kara pulled her onto the couch beside her instead. The superhero took both of Alex’s hands into hers and took a moment to study her face.

“Kara,” Alex said, startled by the actions. “What…”

“You could have died tonight, Alex. Master Jailer had you pinned and you were about to reenact Marie Antoinette.”

Alex blinked and then shook her head, not enjoying the reference. This was not the conversation she had planned on having. “Kara, what does that have to do with you leaving the DEO?”

“Nothing. It just dawned on me, not for the first time mind you, that you could so easily die.”

“So could you,” Alex retorted, trying to pull her hands away. She did not like where the conversation was headed. “You were next in line to be guillotined before me.”

Kara nodded, refusing to let go of her sister’s hands. “I know. We could have both died. It just occurred to me that I never told anyone what type of funeral I want.”

Alex swallowed hard, trying to keep the sudden tears out of her voice. “Kara, please, we don’t need to talk about this now.”

“Yes. We do,” Kara stated. Her blue eyes were firm. “Alex, on Krypton, we send the dead back to our sun god, Rao. If I die, I want you to put me in the pod I came in and send me back to Rao’s light.”

Alex looked away. She would have covered her face if Kara would have let go of her hands. Her face twisted as she couldn’t stop herself from crying. She sobbed, “Kara...”

Kara used the agent’s hands to pull her close, allowing Alex’s head to rest on her shoulder. She stroked Alex’s back as she continued. “We have a surviving female relative lead the rites. They speak the prayer of the dead before they send the body back to Rao. I want you to say the prayer for me when I pass.”

Alex twisted her hands in the material of Kara’s suit as she tried to hold her tighter and hold back her sobs. She could only manage one word. “No.”

“I need you to do this, Alex. I need you to speak the prayer and think of me after so that I do not walk alone, in the dark.”

Alex continued to cry as Kara whispered the Prayer of the Dead into her ear. Alex already knew the prayer, but she knew she would never use it.

“Alex? Promise me.”

She sniffed and pulled away. She didn’t bother wiping her eyes as she took Kara’s face in her hands. “Kara, if you die before me I will not be able to speak the prayer of the dead because I will be in the spaceship beside you. You will not walk alone in the dark. I will be with you every step of the way. You and I will fly to Rao together.”

Kara wanted to argue. She wanted to make Alex promise to go on even if she died. But she couldn’t. How could she when she couldn’t imagine going on if Alex died? Alex was the reason she had returned to this painful life on Earth after the Black Mercy. She wouldn’t live in it without her.


	4. Sufficient Data

_“I do not have sufficient data regarding this species.” – Alura A.I._

The Black Mercy wiggled its tentacles in frustration. This prey was being more stubborn than others it had devoured. Kara Zor-El had given into most of the fantasy world it had created for her, but the Kryptonian refused to accept all of the false reality. The woman knew something was missing in her world.

Few people realized that time traveled differently in the chemical realm of hallucinations. One hour in the real world was roughly two weeks in the fantasy. The Black Mercy was irritated that Kara had been under its control for 12 hours (168 days in her fantasy) and it still hadn’t convinced the woman that Krypton was real. Everything would be going splendidly if it weren’t for the one called ‘Alex’.

Black Mercy had reviewed the data as it lured Kara into her ‘perfect fantasy world’. Kara wanted to be back on Krypton with her family. The only issue is that Kara Zor-El from Krypton did not have a sister called ‘Alex’. So Alex had to be erased.

Kara Zor-El had forgotten most everything else about her life on Earth: the name of the planet, her boss, her job, her foster parents, and her friends. But every time Kara slept, she woke up with one name on her lips: Alex. She had to get back to Alex; whoever and wherever Alex was.

There was no way the Black Mercy could create a new family member named Alex. The Black Mercy had considered it though. Alex could be the daughter of Astra and Non. But it knew that scenario would lead to the immediate rejection of the dream. Kara wanted an ‘Alex’ who was older than her; not a younger cousin. Kal-El fit the role of the younger cousin she needed to protect.

The only other way to implement Alex was as a new friend who could grow into something more. It was a reasonable adjustment. It would only take a few chemicals and manipulation of a hundred memories to make it work. The Black Mercy thought the pair would do well as friends, maybe even lovers. It would keep Kara happy and busy as it devoured her body from the inside out.

Yet there was something in Kara’s body that rejected the idea of Alex as anything other than a sister. Every time it tried to add ‘Alex’ to the hallucination, some chemical compound blocked its progress. The Black Mercy couldn’t work around it. The only thing it could figure out was that the chemical was Kryptonian in origin.

After 12 hours and 48 minutes, the Kryptonian chemical filtered out of Kara’s bloodstream. The Black Mercy tried to implement the hallucination of ‘Alex’ into Kara’s mind once more. The creature sighed in relief as Kara instantly accepted all of her new reality the moment she met the new construct.

Everything was perfect in Kara’s mind now that Al Ex-Vo was there.


	5. You and My Niece

_“I knew there was more to you and my niece.” – Astra_

 “Alex,” Kara gasped, waking up from her sleep. Her room was dim, alerting her to the fact Rao had not risen yet. “I have to get back to Alex.”

“Little one,” A figure by the door called out. “Are you alright?”

Kara waved her hand to turn up the lights and sighed in relief when she saw her aunt really was by the door. Everyone had spent the last five months telling her that she was hallucinating things that just weren’t real. It had left her weary of everything around her.

“Aunt Astra, what are you doing here?”

“Your mother says you still suffer from the Argon Fever,” Astra explained, sweeping into her niece’s room. She sat beside Kara on the bed and straightened the sheet that covered her niece. “I requested a transfer back to Argo City.”

“What?” Kara questioned. “Why?”

Astra smiled as she cupped her niece’s face. “Because you, Little One, are the closest thing I will ever have to a daughter. You could have been lost to the fever, those terrible hallucinations. I could not bear it if something had happened to you while I was away.”

Kara smiled and rested her hand on top of her aunt’s. She jerked away in surprise when someone cleared their throat back by the door.

Astra grinned, mischievously. “Do not be afraid, Little One. It is only my new lieutenant. Al, please come forward so you may stop scaring my niece.”

“Yes, ma’am.” The figure called out. Kara’s breath caught as the other woman walked into the light. It was a familiar oval face. The woman had chestnut-hair and hazel eyes. Her wide, soldier stance made her appear bigger than she actually was. Kara was sure she was taller than the other woman by more than a few inches.

“Kara Zor-El, I would like to introduce you to Al Ex-Vo.”

“Kara Zor-El,” Al repeated, moving beside the bed to hold out her arm. “It is an honor to meet a daughter of the House of El.”

Kara clasped the offered forearm and tried not to gawk. “The honor is all mine, Al daughter of Ex-Vo. I’ve never had the privilege of meeting anyone from the House of Vo.”

The House of El was well-renown throughout Krypton, but there were some houses that were held in reverence. The House of Vo was known throughout the planet as the creators of Torquasm-Vo. It was an ancient Kryptonian meditation technique used to discipline one’s mind. Long-lost masters of the art were even able to control others’ minds. Every soldier and warrior used it to reach their maximum state. It was something every child of Krypton learned in school along with the basic martial art moves of klurkor.

Al smiled and bowed her head in thanks. This caused her eyes to observe down Kara’s body. She lightly blushed and looked away, releasing Kara’s arm.

Kara found the action odd and followed Al’s gaze down. Her cheeks flared red when she realized she was only in her thin, night shift. She gasped and pulled her bed sheet up to her chin. She decided to blame the woman who was grinning. “Aunt Astra! How could you bring Al Ex-Vo here to meet me in my night clothes?”

Astra didn’t stop her laugh. “It is your own fault, Little One. It is already so late.”

Kara glanced at the clock and then glared at her. “It’s an hour until Rao rises.”

“Very late,” Astra teased. “Al and I were on our way to go train on the roof top now that I’ve reclaimed my apartment in the building. You are welcome to join us.”

The blonde fidgeted, really wanting to say yes. “I wouldn’t want to interrupt your training. I’m sure it’s very advance for a judicator in training like me.”

Al replied before Astra had the chance. “You must join us. It would be an honor to have you with us.”

“Okay,” Kara happily accepted. She then looked around, trying not to blush. “Um. I need to…get dressed.”

Astra laughed again and patted her niece’s cheek. “Of course. We will wait for you on the roof.”

The general stood and grinned mischievously again. “You know, Kara, Al has agreed to stay in my guestroom during my stay here. You and I could go stand around her in her night shift tomorrow morning if you would like.”

“Aunt Astra!” “General!” Twin voices cried out at the same time. Both women fought valiantly not to blush and failed. The general only laughed again. “Come now. Rao waits for no woman.”

*

Kara felt she had brought pride to her house as she tried her best to keep up with the two soldiers that morning. She definitely wasn’t at their skill level but Astra said she showed lots of promised. Al had even offered to train with her; an offer the blonde happily accepted.

The training section had started and ended with ten minute segments of Torquasm-Vo. It wasn’t a technique Kara was very good at, but she tried. She had trouble focusing because her left eye kept opening just a sliver to look at Al Ex-Vo. She jerked a little when the younger soldier opened her right eye to peek at Kara too. Both women sheepishly smiled and closed their eyes again.

After the training section, Astra gave Al the day off to get familiar with her new surroundings. Kara happily volunteered to show Al Ex-Vo around which Al accepted. The first place Kara took the other woman was a bakery down the street.

Without thinking, Kara took Al’s hand as they made their way through crowds of people. “This place is really good. I used to come here as a child. Sometimes three times a day because I would beg Mother, Father, and Aunt Astra separately. The owners never told on me though.”

Al laughed as she squeezed the hand in hers. “Why would they? You sound like their best customer.”

Kara grinned, lowering her head to her shoulder in a half-shrug. “I suppose you’re right.”

Once at the shop, Kara released Al’s hand to point at different items. Kara pointed at so many things that Al simply asked for one of everything, leaving Kara’s jaw slightly unhinged. Why had she not thought to have one of everything before?

“I was going to pay for that,” Kara protested when she finally regained her wits. “You’re new here and a guest of my Aunt’s.”

Al winked at her as she took her change. “You can get the next round once we find out what I like.”

Kara Zor-El blushed, but was happy there was already a planned next time. She took Al to a park a block away and they split all the treats down the middle.

“The cruller is my favorite,” Kara finally declared, happily finishing off her half of the donut. She didn’t recall the bakery having crullers when she was a child, but it was a thought she swept away.

“It was pretty good,” Al responded, licking her fingers. Kara found she had to tear her eyes away from the sight.

The pair spent the next hour learning about each other. Kara learned that Al Ex-Vo was a year older than her, she had become a soldier after receiving a degree in bioengineering, and her job with Astra was to hunt down alien criminals to bring them to justice.

Kara had laughed. “So you catch them and I put them away.”

Al joined in the laugh. “Yes. We will make a good team.”

There were little flakes of sugar on Al’s uniform that wouldn’t stop bothering Kara. She finally leaned over and wiped them away. She quickly snatched her hand away when she realized what she had just done and where she had just touched. The daughter of the house of El turned away to blush at how forward she had just been with Al Ex-Vo.

“Thank you,” Al softly spoke. The soldier then cleared her throat. “So where to now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No fantasy world would be complete without crullers.


	6. Love her like she was their own

_“Damn it! Kara is relying on me. She’s always relied on me! Ever since you sent her here. I’m sure you hoped that she would fine people that would take care of her, who would love her like she was their own. I did.”- Alex_

 Kara had never been happier in her life. She had just completed her first week as a judicator. She had followed in her mother’s shoes and her parents were so proud of her. Kal-El looked up to her and she adored him. Every day at work she spent long hours researching her cases with her partner, Del-Or. Her mother and father had joked about her interest in him, but they knew she really spent all of her free time with Al Ex-Vo.

Every night after both women were done with work, they would be by each other’s side. Many nights they shared the same bed. They often cuddled like spoons, Kara reflected fondly.

Then the intruder came. Someone who looked remarkably like Al but called herself Alex. It didn’t make any sense.

The woman was arrested and taken into custody. Astra and Al Ex-Vo had arrived not long after the woman was carted away.

“She is most likely an alien spy,” Astra explained. Alura nodded in agreement with her sister. “It would explain everything.”

Kara thought that didn’t explain anything at all and she said so. “That doesn’t explain anything. Why did she come here? Why does she look like Al?”

Her family exchanged confused looks. “She didn’t really look like Al Ex-Vo, Kara.”

Everyone froze as the planet shook. They hadn't had a kryptonquake in years. Kara thought it was very ironic that that one would happen as her family tried to lie to her about the alien's appearance. She knew Alex looked like Al. 

“Anyway,” Al interrupted, moving to wrap an arm around Kara. “She probably came here to spy on the House of El. If she does look like me, she changed her appearance to infiltrate the building.”

That made sense, Kara thought. She leaned into Al’s embrace. It was where she wanted to be.

*

They kept the alien under sedation over the next 12 days as they ran tests on her. Kara went to see her every day even though her family and Al hated the idea. While Kara didn’t like upsetting Al, she felt it was the right thing to do.

She sat in a metal chair as she looked over the woman called Alex. The alien looked so fragile as she slept and Kara hated Alex was cuffed to the bed. However, the restraints were necessary as every time the woman woke she proved to be lethal in combat.

“Kara,” A soft voice spoke behind her. “Why are you still here?”

Kara turned to see Al Ex-Vo behind her. She flushed when she remembered they had plans for dinner. That was why Al was dressed in attractive black robes instead of her usual uniform.

The blonde gasped. “I’m so sorry. I forgot our date. It will only take me two minutes to get ready when I get home.”

Kara blushed harder when she realized what she said. She waved her hands in the air as she spoke. “I didn’t mean that it’s a date. I mean, not like a _date_ date. Unless…you want it to be a date in which case I would be fine if it’s a date. But I’m also completely okay if you don’t want it to be date and just dinner. And oh Rao, take me now,” She finished lamely, burying her face in her hands. She was certain she had just lost her best friend.

Firm hands pulled hers away from her flushing face and Kara found herself staring into warm, hazel eyes. Al smiled. “I want it to be a date. Do you?”

“Yes,” Kara Zor-El managed to squeak. Al’s smile widened. “Then go get ready for our date, Kara Zor-El.”

*

Later that evening, Kara fell back onto her bed with her hand pressed to her lips. Al had kissed her at the end of their date. She had really kissed her. They had kissed goodnight at her front door and Kara had floated into her bedroom. It was everything she wanted. She was certain she had finally found a relationship like her parents had.

Most Kryptonian marriages were out of mutual respect and fondness or arranged marriages. While the majority of couples loved each other, they weren’t _in_ love with each other. Her parents were different. They truly were in love and that was something she had always wanted. She could tell by that kiss that Al really did have feelings for her.

Kara spent the next few hours grinning at her ceiling even though she knew she should go to sleep. Everything was so perfect and it would continue to be perfect. She was imagining what a like with Al would look like.

Kara hugged her pillow in joy as she imagined their wedding day. She buried her face in it as she thought of long-forgotten traditions of the wedding night. She giggled as she pictured them having the most adorable children in the world: one to continue on the name El and one to continue on the name Vo. It was going to be an amazing life.

There was only one thing bothering Kara in the back of her mind. The alien was still a threat. The only problem was that Alex didn’t feel like a threat. She knew everyone wanted to send her to the Phantom Zone, but Kara wondered if the woman could be rehabilitated to their side.

Those thoughts lead her across town to the alien’s containment cell in the middle of the night. Kara Zor-El kept her gaze firm and hard as she inspected the woman. She was trying to view things from a judicator’s perspective. But she couldn’t maintain the look for long. The woman looked so much like Al.

There was no explanation for her next action. Before she could stop herself, she leaned over the bed to brush a kiss across the spy’s cheek. Alex’s eyes fluttered, fighting her sedation briefly. “Kara.”

Kara placed a hand over her heart as she jumped back in fright. She was terrified that the woman had briefly woken up and horrified by her own actions. The blonde rushed out of the room and across the city back to her room.

She lay awake all night trying to figure out why the kiss on Alex’s cheek felt more real than Al’s kiss on her lips.

*

Her parents told her over breakfast that the alien spy would be sentenced that afternoon. Al and Astra wouldn’t be able to attend because they had an emergency meeting over the small world-quakes that had started in the middle of the night.


	7. Banishment

_“We impose the maximum penalty. Banishment to the Phantom Zone.” – The High Council of Krypton_

“This isn’t right,” Kara thought as she listened to the High Council’s judgment. She kept her judicator’s mask in place to prevent her feelings from showing. “It isn’t right. She’s an alien who never committed any crimes other than a few cases of battery and possessing an illegally stolen weapon. They kept her under sedation until her trial. She never had a chance to explain herself. This isn’t justice. All she wanted was to talk to me.”

Dug-Les, a judicator for the highest court in the capital city of Kandor, had banished the death penalty over a century before. Those who had committed the most heinous crimes would be banished to the Phantom Zone. Alex hadn’t committed any heinous crimes. At worst, the alien from Earth should be exiled from the planet Krypton. Yet the High Council was doling out the highest punishment.

Kara drew away from her thoughts as the alien cried out for her to listen. Every sentence Alex spoke chipped away at her heart, making her realize her world was very wrong. It felt like a spaceship had hit her when Alex shouted, “Because the Earth needs Supergirl.”

“Supergirl,” Kara Zor-El gasped. She remembered flying and helping people. She remembered being Supergirl.

“Yes, remember that life.” Alex called out as she fought the guards holding onto her. “With James and Winn and Hank. Your friends need you. And I need my sister!”

Kara’s head was spinning as she remembered Earth, Alex, and her friends. She didn’t hear what people were shouting in the next few moments because she was remembering everything. She remembered every painful moment and every happy one too. Krypton was a perfect world, but it wasn’t real. She had to be strong now. “I have to go.”

She hugged her mother one last time, something she had so desperately wanted to do since she had left Krypton. Kara looked at the faces of her father and cousin. In the background, she could see the figures of Al Ex-Vo and Astra running towards her. She was certain they were coming to help change her mind. But she wouldn’t. It was time to leave.

As the world shook and rumbled, she reached for Alex’s hand. Their fingertips had just touched when the fantasy vanished.

“Goodbye,” Kara Danvers whispered as everything went black. She was awake for the 33 seconds Alex screamed about taking her out before she could save her sister. Kara knew she was home, but it hurt so much to open her eyes. She knew she would see the DEO and not her perfect world of Krypton. She replaced her pain with anger as she felt the Black Mercy slide off of her.

“Who did this to me?” Kara asked, tears of rage in her eyes. She couldn’t focus on the pain, but she could channel it. Alex stepped forward, her arms wrapped around herself. “Non.”

“Where is he?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't planned on writing this scene, but some people commented it would be nice to see.


	8. Pain and Loss

_“I can't promise you a life without pain and loss because pain is a part of life. It's what makes us who we are. It is what makes you a hero.” – Alex_

Alex exhaled as J’onn started to talk to Kara about Indigo. She knew it was time to tell the truth. She couldn’t let him take the blame for killing Astra any longer.

The agent walked off the training platform and turned around. It was a subconscious move. She didn’t feel equal to Supergirl or J’onn J’onzz at that moment. She felt lower than them and by stepping off the platform, she placed them above her. If only be fourteen inches.

“I saw Astra standing over J’onn.”

“What?” Kara asked, turning around. J’onn tried to stop the older woman from confessing. “Alex.”

Alex looked to the side and shook her head. She wasn’t stopping now. “He was defenseless.”

Kara was staring at her.

“She said she was going to give him an honorable death. And I reacted,” Alex turned her palms outward in a silent question of ‘what was I supposed to do?’

“That was what I was taught to do. Hank didn’t kill Astra. I did. I did.”

Kara turned away, unable to look at her sister. Alex needed Kara to see her so she walked to her left until she knew she was in Kara’s peripheral vision. “You got there and he saw how devastated you were.”

Kara turned half-way back around. Alex continued, just trying to get it all out, “He didn’t want you to get angry with me. He took the blame. And I let him.”

The cold look on Kara’s face brought tears to her eyes. She tried not to break, but she couldn’t help it. Alex couldn’t keep her voice from cracking as she held back. “Because I was afraid of losing you…because I can’t lose you.”

She sobbed when Kara started to walk away. She pinched the bridge of her nose to try and stop the tears from forming, but it was too late. She looked at Hank and gestured, hopelessly, with her hand ‘what can I do?’

Alex didn’t notice Kara had stopped walking. She focused on the ground, taking deep breaths. She was telling herself that she wouldn’t break down. She would collect herself, go home, and then break down. Then she would find a way to get Kara back in her life even if it was the last thing she did. Months of planning formed in her head the seven seconds from when she tried not to cry until Kara’s arms wrapped around her. Everything she was feeling came out in a deep sob. All she could do was hold onto Supergirl as she broke down.

Hank held Supergirl’s hand as they let Alex cry out everything she had been holding in since the Black Mercy. A few minutes passed before her tears ran out and Alex just focused on breathing. The director cleared his throat. “It’s been a long day. Perhaps you two should go home.”

Both women nodded. Alex wiped her eyes and Kara took her by the hand. The agent followed as Kara led them out of the DEO. Once outside, Kara wrapped Alex in an embrace and they took off into the sky. Alex didn’t take the time to enjoy the view as she had as a child. She pressed her face into Kara’s shoulder and didn’t look up until they had stopped. They were at Alex’s apartment.

Alex went to scrub her face in her bedroom’s connecting master bath. She knew this was the part where they would talk and probably fight. She had already planned to accept everything Kara lashed out at her with. She stopped when she walked out of the bathroom to find Kara had already changed into pajamas and was lying in her bed. She lay on the right side because that had always been her side when they shared a bed.

The DEO agent shook the surprise from her head and gathered up her own night clothes. She changed into a tank top and boxers after brushing her teeth. It was the scariest feeling in the world to walk out into her bedroom, turn off the lights, and climb into bed.

Alex felt raw and exposed as she slipped under her covers. Kara still hadn’t spoken to her. She turned to lie on her right side, facing the wall. It would be easier to talk to the wall than to talk to Kara. She just didn’t know what else to say. Her fear made her shiver.

Alex felt Kara roll over and froze when an arm reached out to wrap around her middle. She let out a small grunt of surprise when she was pulled away from the edge of the bed and back towards center. The older woman found herself flush against the younger woman’s body.

The superhero spoke for the first time since she was told the truth over her aunt’s murder. “I can't promise you a life without pain and loss because pain is a part of life. It's what makes us who we are. It is what makes you a hero.”

Alex clenched the covers around her hands into the balls of her fists as she struggled not to cry over her own words being used against her. She knew she wasn’t a hero; she was a soldier. There was a difference, but the words still soothed a part of her heart.

She felt Kara lean forward to kiss her shoulder. She moved one of her hands to take Kara’s left arm and she laced her fingers into Kara’s from the top. She then moved their joined hands to lie between her breasts, over her heart.

Alex let out a long sigh before closing her hazel eyes. She knew they were going to be okay. It wasn’t until a week later as she faced Kara under the influence of Red Kryptonite did she realize they weren’t okay. Kara hadn’t forgiven her. Kara Danvers hadn’t told Alex the words she wanted to hear or held her all night. That had been Supergirl being the hero she thought Alex needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Supergirl forgave Alex for killing Astra and Kara too, on some level. But Kara is human and it takes some processing to get over your sister killing your aunt.


	9. My Own Outfit

_“Look, I picked out my own outfit without any fashion advice from you.” – Kara under the influence of Red Kryptonite_

 

The anger started as a headache in the back of her mind. Soon it grew to consume her.

She saw red in the corner of her eyes and every time she lashed out, it flared. She had wanted to lash out since she was thirteen years old, but had always held back. Kara Zor-El no longer had any reservations. She was going to be the person she wanted to be.

*

The first thing to change was her clothes. It made her so angry that she was surrounded by beautiful, sexy women and handsome, sexy guys that never noticed her. Kara realized it was because of her silly wardrobe and she vowed to change that.

Kara sorted through her clothes until she found something that wasn’t a dowdy sweater or skirt. It irritated her as she remembered Alex was the one who picked out most of her clothes. Her lack of a date-life and relationships was Alex’s fault. The other woman didn’t want Kara to outshine her. Kara decided she was going to burn so bright that Alex would live the rest of her life in the shadows.

She had been named Kara after the goddess of beauty when she was born in the light of the goddess’s constellation. The next day she smirked when she walked into Catco and every head turned to gaze at her. That was how it should be. Everyone would worship her.

*

Really, Ms. Grant deserved to be thrown off a building, Kara theorized. The so-title queen liked to think she was invincible, but she wasn’t. Kara wanted to make her scream, to make her feel fear. Kara felt divine as she watched Cat Grant fall, flailing her arms and legs. A god decided whether a queen would live or die. She decided to let her live. If Cat died, how else would Kara conquer her again later? She could think of other ways to make Cat Grant scream.

*

 By the time Alex got to Kara’s apartment, Kara Zor-El had never felt more powerful and free in her life. She unleashed every dark truth she had held back. She wanted to see the great Alex Danvers cry, but it was proving harder than it seemed.

“Trying to cloak my beauty so I don’t outshine yours,” Kara stated before setting her clothes on fire. She laughed evilly as she sauntered into her kitchen while Alex ran for the fire extinguisher. The blonde made a note to get a bigger place. Her apartment was much too small for a god.

Kara brought up Alex’s jealousy and how her superpowers made Alex feel worthless. Her words only brought a hint of a smile and a headshake. “No, I’m proud of you.”

She couldn’t believe her powers didn’t make Alex jealous. Kara jumped into her next offensive attack. Kara ranted about working under Alex at the DEO while Alex used it as a way to retain control. She smirked when she saw Alex flinch. It was working and within the next minute, she watched a tear roll down Alex’s cheek.

“Oh did I make you cry?” Kara asked, putting on a fake pout. She chuckled as she backed away, “You know what they say. The truth hurts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evil Kara was evil and hot.


	10. We don't share blood.

_“We’ve never been sisters. We don’t share blood.”- Kara under the influence of Red Kryptonite_   

She cried as she told Alex she hadn’t meant the things she said. But that hadn’t meant she had never thought them. The thoughts were often just flashes, something so dark and mean she couldn't allow herself to focus on them for too long. But they were still thoughts that had crossed her mind more than once.

*

The first time she thought those dark thoughts about Alex was when after she had been on the planet Earth for a year. She liked to think of Alex as her best friend, a sister she never had on Krypton. But Alex didn't feel the same way about her. She could still remember the day Alex shunned her for embarrassing her in front of all her friends.

"Oh Rao--bitt's foot," Kara exclaimed and then quickly tried to change her sentence so it hadn’t looked like she had cried out the name of a god that few earthlings knew about. "I'm so sorry."

Kara had just bumped into a group of cheerleaders who were kneeling on the ground, painting a banner for their upcoming car wash sale. She had always avoided the popular kids in school except for any who happened to be Alex's friends. That was where she had been headed. Kara had been so focused on getting to Alex across the outdoor lunch area that she hadn't watched where she was going. With her rotten luck, Kara had bumped into one girl who bumped into the can of paint beside them. The can of paint left a large, red splash across the carefully painted letters. Thus ruining all the girls work.

"I'm so sorry," Kara repeated, knowing her cheeks where burning red. The three girls got up and turned towards her. Kara Zor-El was afraid. There was nothing she could do to prevent all the humiliation that was about to happen. She wasn't even good at making quick responses in English yet. Most of the time, she still thought in Kryptonian. Kara looked up and around for her only friend, the one who always took care of her.

Kara's eyes found Alex but her back was turned towards her. She wanted to call out for help. She might have even called out, but that's when she heard it. "It's that your sister?"

Alex didn't even turnaround from her group of friends to respond, "Adoptive. Let's go."

Kara squeezed her eyes to prevent the tears from falling. The three girls mocked her mercilessly. They made fun of her clothes, the way she walked, the way she talked, and they ridiculed her glasses. They called her gay and a faggot when she didn't respond to any of their comments. She hated bullies. Back on Krypton, she never would have stood for this. She would have been brave and handled the situation in a way that would have brought pride to the House of El. Now, she was just trying not to bring attention to the House of Danvers.

That moment, as she struggled not to say anything, was the first time she uttered those dark thoughts against Alex. A real sister would have saved her. There were not sisters; they were not related by blood. They weren’t even friends. A real friend would have saved her. It made sense to Kara. Alex must hate her for showing up and ruining her life.

"What's going on here?" A voice beside them asked. Kara and the cheerleaders turned to find a taller, older female student. The girl commanded authority in a way that made Kara envious.

The newcomer was Lena Thorul, senior captain of the cheerleading squad. If there was anybody she liked at the school other than Alex, it was Lena. Lena was an orphan, like herself. Everyone in school knew that. But that hadn't stopped Lena from rising to the occasion. She was the captain of the cheerleading squad and had the highest GPA in the school. Everyone knew Lena would be the valedictorian. The senior had already received dozens of STEM scholarships and full rides to Ivy League universities across the country. 

Kara fought against crying again. She didn't know what she would do if the pretty, smart, dark-haired girl she admired turned out to be a bully too. 

"She ruined the sign. It took us hours to make it look this good," One of the girls cried. Lena pierced her with a glare. "That is no reason to stand there and act the way you did. She apologized and you behaved like children. I will not tolerate such negative attitudes on my team. I will deal with you three out on the field. Now go."

Kara was now left alone with Lena. Well, not entirely alone. Everyone outside was looking at them. Kara glanced up to see Lena giving her a soft, reassuring smile. "I'm sorry about that. They’re freshman, like you. The pom-poms just make their egos go straight to their heads."

Kara allowed herself a half-smile at the comment, but lowered her head back down. A soft hand on her shoulder made her look up. She had never noticed Lena’s eyes were a wonderful shade of green before.

"How about you and I stay afterschool and make a new sign?" Lena asked. Kara nodded, grateful for a way to make up for her mistake. Later, she used the phone in the front office to call Eliza and explain why she would be late getting home from school. She longed for the day Earth developed proper communication technology and she could have just text messaged Eliza.

The afternoon with Lena turned out to be one of the best she had had in a long time. It wasn't long before the older girl had her talking. They shared stories of being orphans. How Kara's parents had died in a fire (not too far from the truth) and how Lena's had died in a car crash. They traded horrors and laughter over being foster kids and getting used to Midvale. Lena gave Kara hope.

Kara arrived home near eight and found Alex waiting in the living room for her. Alex wasn't trying to appear like she was waiting for Kara, but watching TV instead. They both knew it was a failure of a ruse because Alex had the TV channel set to the news. She _never_ watched the news.

"Where were you?" Alex asked, trying to seem nonchalant.

"Out," Kara answered, still upset with the other girl. "You could have asked Eliza."

Or you could have told me, Alex thought darkly. She then gasped when she took in Kara's appearance. "Is that blood?"

With almost superhero-like speed that startled Kara, Alex was by her side. She lifted Kara's arm to inspect the dark, red streak. Kara laughed, "No. It's just paint. Lena _accidently_ touched me with her brush a few times and I _accidently_ touched her back after the second time she did it. It turned into a bit of a war."

You will not be jealous, Alex firmly ordered herself. You are the cause behind this.

Kara excused herself to go shower and eat. Alex stayed behind in the living room, angry and upset. Mostly at herself. She hated herself for not moving to Kara's defense. It had been eating at her all day. She deserved Kara's attitude and she deserved to listen to Kara talk about Lena in a hero-worshipping tone. Alex wanted to give herself a little credit. She had been the one to alert Lena to what the girls were doing to Kara out in the courtyard. The thought didn’t make her feel better.

Alex listened as Kara came downstairs and chatted with Eliza. She tried not to grit her teeth every time the blonde mentioned Lena's name. It was almost like the younger girl had a crush on the captain of the cheerleading squad. Her scientific brain took over for a moment. Could Kara be gay? Was there homosexuality on Krypton? 

Alex knew she wouldn't care of Kara did turn out to be gay. She just wanted Kara to be happy. The older girl just hoped Kara didn’t need Lena Thorul to be happy because Alex couldn't seem to stop grinding her teeth every time Lena’s name was mentioned. She knew that Dr. Patel, her dentist, was going to be very upset at her next appointment.

She heard Kara excuse herself to go up to her room. It took another ten minutes for Alex to figure out her apology plan. She walked to the fridge and pulled out a pint of ice cream. Eliza smiled at her when she grabbed a spoon and went upstairs. Normally, Alex or Kara would grab two pints of ice cream and two spoons.

Tonight, Alex figured, they would need the closeness.

"You may enter," Kara said before Alex could knock. Her super-hearing allowed her to know who was walking down the hall and towards her door. She played with her mother's pendant as she waited to see what Alex wanted.

"Why so formal?" Alex asked, entering the room. She saw that Kara was sitting out on the roof outside of her window. Kara flushed, glad her back was to Alex. She had been dreaming of what it would be like back home if Krypton hadn't exploded. Her mind was thinking in Kryptonian and had translated the formal language to formal English. Kara chose not to answer the question. She was still upset with Alex after all, even if she could see where the other girl was coming from.

Alex grabbed a quilt off of Kara's bed. She tucked it under her arm as she climbed out onto the roof. Kara's eyes widened slightly as Alex sat down right beside her and handed her the ice cream and spoon. The alien grinned. It was the start of a nice apology.

As Kara opened the ice cream’s top, Alex tucked the quilt around their legs and leaned into Kara's side when she was done. Kara ate three spoonfuls and scooped a fourth out onto the spoon. She held the container back out to Alex, "Do you want some?"

Her intention had been to eat her fourth bite and give over the spoon. She wondered why Alex hadn't brought two spoons up. 

Instead of taking the container, Alex leaned over and took the held-up spoon into her mouth. She pulled away, taking the ice cream with her. As Kara watched Alex's lips slide off the spoon, she knew this was one of those moments where you decide if you like girls or not. It was a very intense moment; she could feel that. But she felt no desire. Her mother's pendant did feel heavier on her chest which was an oddity she filed away to think about later. 

For Alex, it had been a moment to display her trust in Kara. It had been to show she didn't mind being with Kara and sharing things with her. She tried not to blush under Kara's intense stare as she ate off the spoon Kara offered.

"I thought you could feed yourself?" Kara asked, softly. That was what Alex always said when someone offered her an eating utensil full of food. She would always take the utensil out of their hands and feed herself.

Alex softly smiled. "I can. I just don't always have to."

Kara laughed, not certain it was a joke, but the moment was getting too strange. The pair fell back into their old routine of talking about their day as they ate the ice cream. The spoon and container switched hands. Alex fed herself a good portion of the ice cream but she held out the last spoonful for Kara. Kara leaned forward to take the ice cream in her mouth and it was Alex's turn to watch. Flashes of thoughts filled her head that she refused to allow into fully-structured sentences. She filed those away to never think about again.

Soon, both girls were lying flat on the room. Kara was curled into Alex's side, using the other girl's shoulder as a pillow. Alex kept one arm around Kara and the other tucked behind her own head as a pillow. Alex pledged that tomorrow would be different. She would be a better person, a better sister. She would be the person who would always put Kara first and take care of her. She would be the person Kara needed in her life. Alex knew she would continue to be that person even if Kara found someone else to love.

Someone, Alex mentally corrected. Not someone else. 

Alex started to play with Kara’s pendant that lay on her chest. “Was this your mother’s?”

“Hmm,” Kara affirmed. “Yes. My father, Zor-El, gave it to her the day I was born.”

Alex chuckled. “You know, on Earth, we call that a ‘push’ present. Because she pushed you out.”

Kara wrinkled her nose even as she giggled. “That doesn’t sound nearly as nice.”

“No,” Alex agreed. “It doesn’t. What is the stone?”

The blonde watched the pendant roll around in Alex’s fingers through the light that filtered down from her room. “A mineral found only on Krypton. I guess the closest thing you know would be a sapphire. It was my mother’s favorite gem, not because of its worth but of its usefulness. It had a lot of uses back home.”

Alex tried to ignore the fact that Kara still considered a lost planet home. She focused on the pendant instead. “What about the stone in the back?”

She turned the pendant so Kara was faced with the pink disk inlayed in the back. She felt Kara briefly stiffen before answering. “It was something my mother wanted me to have.”

Alex didn’t ask any more questions about the pendant. She didn’t press the matter even though she knew she should. She didn’t have the right to ask after her actions that day. But one day, she knew, she would ask again.

Kara was heart-broken when Lena transferred away the next week of school. A long-lost, older brother had finally found Lena after years of searching and had taken her away. While Kara was happy for her new friend, she had never gotten the chance to say goodbye. She missed Lena for a few weeks, but not after that. Alex had stepped up in her life and they became proper best friends. Everyone knew around school not to mess with Alex's sister. They grew to be inseparable.

*

The next time Kara had uttered those dark thoughts about Alex was when they _had_ separated. Alex was leaving for college and Kara wouldn't be able to join her for a year. Alex moving across the country wouldn't be so bad if Kara was allowed to fly. She hadn't flown in years, not since Jeremiah was taken away. She could go from Midvale to Stanford in three minutes if she was allowed to use her powers. Now it was more like a five hour flight. 

Alex was leaving and it hurt so much. Kara uttered those thoughts to make herself feel better. It hadn’t work. 

*

We are not sisters, Kara thought as she snatched her hand away from Alex. She had just been caught by the DEO and found out Alex had been lying to her for two years. Alex had uncuffed one of her hands and tried to lace their fingers. The superhero ripped her hand away. Kara couldn't forget the look of hurt on Alex's face at that movement, as if she knew what Kara had thought. The alien didn't want to focus on the other woman. She was trying not to cry, but knew she was failing. She could feel a tear rolling down her face. 

*

"We have never been sisters. We don't share blood. It was perfectly normal thoughts. I'm having perfectly normal thoughts." That was the mantra Kara Zor-El kept repeating to herself after returning from the Black Mercy and she finally had time to process everything alone. This was one of the few times she had thought about how she and Alex weren’t really sisters and it wasn’t out of anger. It was out of desperation and, if she was honest with herself, relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorul is an anagram for 'Luthor'. ;)  
> Just pulling a bit of Lena's history from DC comics. She and Kara had went to school together in Midvale.
> 
> For those of you who can see where I'm going with this, you have to admit Alura was pretty smart about the Pink Kryptonite. Teenage puppy Kara could not have handled puberty without PinkK with Alex and Lena around.


	11. Broken bones heal

_“Broken bones heal and this will too.” –Alex_

 “Where is Alex?” Kara asked Vasquez. The woman half turned at her desk to face the superhero. The communications officer didn’t even blink as she lied. “I don’t know, ma’am.”

Supergirl sighed, “She gave you orders not to tell me didn’t she?”

“I’m not at liberty to discuss orders,” Vasquez replied. Kara nodded as she took that for a yes.

“Now if you will excuse me,” Vasquez said, turning back around. “I must finish this report so that I may deliver it to the occupants of Recovery Room 20 tomorrow.”

Kara grinned and gently clasped the Latina woman’s shoulder in thanks. It took her a few minutes to find Recovery Room 20; she actually had to stop and ask for directions. The room wasn’t one she had been to before and the DEO was a maze. She supposed it made sense; it was built into a natural cave system.

Recovery Room 20’s windows were dark when she finally arrived at it. For a moment, she thought Vasquez had given her the wrong information. But a quick glance with x-ray vision showed Alex was inside, lying on a hospital bed. Kara’s heart gave a painful jolt and it took everything she had not to rip the door off the wall as she entered the room.

Alex slept through her loud entrance and the vice grip on Kara’s heart eased a little as she saw the chestnut-haired woman was still breathing. Kara took advantage of her superpowers to read the chart Alex had left on the counter by the bed in the dark. Apparently, Alex was using a special DEO chemical-concoction to heal her broken arm overnight. The vice grip on Kara’s heart retightened. She tried to swallow the sudden lump that appeared in her throat, but it wouldn’t go down.

Kara refocused on Alex when the woman let out a whimper of pain. Apparently, the process was painful even as Alex slept. The monitor beside the bed showed Alex was also running a slight fever and Kara could see the pained expression on her sister’s face. She sighed and went to find a cloth. She cooled the rag down with her freeze breath and laid it across Alex’s head. The other woman sighed as her brow cooled off and the painful expression on her face eased just a little.

And then Kara waited.

When Alex woke up and felt someone holding her left hand in the dark, she knew who it was. She wet her lips before calling out. “Kara.”

Kara took a moment to study the other woman in the dark. Her fever had broken and she no longer seemed to be in great pain. She supposed it was unfair that she got a chance to study every line and curve of Alex’s face in the dark and Alex wasn’t able to see her.

“Harry Potter came back to school,” Kara finally whispered, taking the cloth off of Alex’s brow to dab the other woman’s face. “Dobby warned and warned Harry Potter.”

Alex laughed, getting the reference. “This feels about the same as re-growing bones. My arm does feel full of splinters.”

Her arm did feel hot and full of painful pins. It was like waking up your foot after it went numb but twice as painful. She gave it a mild shake and groaned. A cool rag was placed over where the humerus was mending. It was a spiral fraction near the elbow.

When Kara realized what type of break it was, she spun away from the bed with a hand over her mouth. She stumbled over to the counter where she leaned against it, trying not the throw up. She was going to be sick.

Kara knew a lot of things. There were several reasons why her knowledge was so fast; Krypton’s far superior public education system, the fact she was an alien, daytime TV shows, and working with Cat Grant for years.  Alex was suffering from a common fracture found in cases of domestic abuse. She had given the woman she loved most in the world a broken bone like an abuser.

Kara vomited into the room’s sink when she realized she had been an abuser under the effectives of Red Kryptonite. She had displayed the whole control wheel of abuse: physical with Cat, emotional and psychological with Alex, verbal with J’onn, and sexual with James.  

“Kara,” Alex called out, ignoring the pain in her arm. She got out of bed. “Lights on.”

She winced as the bright lights turning on temporarily blinded her. She found Kara leaning over the sink. The blonde waved her away as she turned on the sink to rinse her month out.

“Kara, talk to me,” Alex begged. The other woman turned around and took a deep breath. Instead of answering, a worried look appeared on her face. “Alex, get back to bed. You are as white as a sheet.”

The sisters waged a small war of concerned looks. It took Alex wavering to settle the matter. Kara pushed Alex back into the bed and turned to study the monitor. She yelped in surprise when a strong arm half-tugged her down onto the bed. Alex called out. “Lights off.”

In the dark, Kara could give in. She settled on the twin bed beside her sister, lying on her side. The only place to rest her head was on Alex’s chest.

“You know?” Alex mused in the dark. “You haven’t thrown up since you were 15. You ate six funnel cakes and spun around until you puked.”

“I wanted the full, fair-experience,” Kara defended herself. “Like everyone else.”

“Was it worth it?” Alex asked, remembering how she had helped the sick teenager clean herself up.

Kara grinned. She was also remembering Alex helping her that night. After they got her cleaned up, they went on the Ferris wheel together. That ride had felt magical and that was saying something since she had flown on spaceships before. “Totally.”

Silence fell between the sisters. Finally Kara asked, “What am I going to do?”

Alex leaned forward to kiss the top of her head. “You’re going to go to work tomorrow and do your job. You’re going to go back to helping the city as Supergirl. Kara, your brain was altered. That is the only reason you acted as you did. None of this was your fault and don’t blame your thoughts. Your dark and horrible thoughts don’t make you a monster. People dream of slamming their cars into the jerks that cut them off on the freeway, but their thoughts don’t make them a murderer. You are going to get through this. So tomorrow you are going to talk to James and Cat as soon as you can. You can’t let this fester.”

“And us?” Kara whispered, afraid of the answer. “When are _we_ going to talk?”

Alex’s breath caught before she let out a sigh. They both had things to talk about and issues they needed to work on. “After we figure out how to help J’onn and stop whatever Myriad is. That is when we will talk.”

Kara nodded, both thrilled and terrified to have a timeline. “Okay. We can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex's arm healed mighty quickly between 'Falling' and 'Manhunter'. Just saying something happened.


	12. You saved the world

_“You saved the world. And then I saved you with your pod. You’re not the only badass in the family.”- Alex_

“And this belongs to you.” Alex said, reaching her hands up to undo the clasp of Kara’s pendant. She held it out for Kara to take and then put her hands on her hips. She was trying to keep it together. “I think your mother would’ve really appreciated my piloting skills.”

Kara only had the energy to softly exhale as a laugh, but she gave Alex a brief smile. It was more out of gratitude than humor. Alex continued. “There are a lot of people out there waiting to say thank you.”

Supergirl looked towards the door and then back at Alex. “Thanks can wait. I’m right where I want to be.”

Alex swallowed as Kara turned on the table to take the agent’s hands into hers. “Alex, did you know the pod would make it out into space and back to Earth?”

“We’ve been tinkering with it over the years. It was long overdue for a test drive.” Alex said, knowing she had avoided a real answer. She was trying to keep things light between them and looked down to avoid Kara’s stare.

Kara squeezed her hands and Alex sighed. Hazel eyes finally lifted to meet blue ones. “I evaluated the odds and I took my chances, Kara. I would do it again. I was either going to save you by bringing us both back down to Earth or I was going to pick you up so that we could start our journey to Rao together.”

Kara had to blink away tears. She cleared her throat and spoke the first thought that came to mind. “You don’t believe in Rao.”

Alex softly laughed and gave up any pretenses of being strong. She and her sister had almost died and she needed a damn hug. She wrapped Kara in a hug and allowed herself to sink into the other woman’s body as Kara returned the embraced. Alex whispered, “I believe in you. That is all that matters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short. But I wanted to signal when Myriad was done.


	13. Look how you've grown

_“Look how you’ve grown. So beautiful.”- Astra_

_After Myriad_

"As you know, Krypton was far more advance in technology and science than Earth. Over the years, procreation was found to be a waste of time. Technology could produce far more superior offspring. That's why in the last two hundred years, every child on Krypton was created in a test tube, gestated in a machine, and born inside a laboratory. The parents were able to consult with scientists to pick out all the traits they wanted for their children: hair color, eye color, height, skills, etc. Every child was designed to fulfill a pre-determined role in our society as a worker, a warrior, a leader and so on. You, Kara Zor-El, were not born inside a laboratory. Kal-El was the same." The AI of Alura explained.

Kara inhaled a ragged breath. She knew what her mother was saying was a breach of tradition, if not treason.

"You were conceived naturally. Sexual attraction is not extinct in our race even though we tried to create a society without it. We do not often have the desire or need to have sexual relationships with others. Even if we did, we had superior birth control procedures than here on Earth. Zor-El and I chose not to use them. We wanted to have a child that was an expression of our love. Whoever you were, whatever your appearance, we did not care. We placed our trust in Rao and I became pregnant.”

“Pregnancy was not against the law on Krypton, but our society frowned heavily upon it.  If anyone found out, they would have been severe consequences. Zor-El and I would have lost our jobs and they might have made us abort you. Only three people knew: Jor-El, Lara Jor-El, and Astra. I was able to hide my pregnancy for five months while I continued to work as a judicator. When I could no longer hide it, Astra took a leave of absence from the army. For the remainder of my pregnancy, she pretended to be me when there was no way around a public appearance.”

“What does that have to do with pink kryptonite?”

“The scientists and political leaders on Krypton decided long ago that sexual intercourse was a waste of time and energy. They found and isolated the genes that allowed people to experience sexual desire.  However, they could not find a way to turn the genes off. The genetics behind attraction to the opposite sex were connected to the genetics behind the need to procreate. They could not alter one without affecting the other and a race cannot survive without the desire to produce children. However, during their research, they were able to isolate the genes, alleles, which effected sexual desire towards the same sex.  Those alleles could be turned off without effecting the population on a massive scale and thus, they were switched off.”

“You’re not making any sense,” Kara said, shaking her head. “I saw same-sex couples on Krypton. They were rare but they did exist. I used to play with children who had two mothers or two fathers.”

“Only sexual desire was affected. Our people still had the ability to love and care for whoever they wanted. Some chose to spend their lives with someone of the same sex. They merely did not have sexual intercourse.”

“But I…” Kara paused. It was hard to even think her next thought. “I wanted to. When I was in the Black Mercy’s fantasy world, I wanted to be with Al Ex-Vo. I wanted to live out my life with her and raise children with her. We kissed. I wanted to…”

“Have sexual relations with her,” The hologram finished. Kara winced even as she nodded. Talking about sexual relations with her mother, even a hologram of her, was not something she wanted to do.

“Kara, we didn’t know anything about you as you grew inside of me other than you were healthy. We wanted you to be a complete surprise. Astra and Zor-El cried when you were born. They took turns holding you as I passed the afterbirth. You were this beautiful girl and your eyes were so blue when you opened them. You were everything we wanted and we didn’t know anything about you.”

“Later, Zor-El ran tests on your genetics. He discovered that all of your genes connected with sexual attraction were active. You, Kara Zor-El, were the first Kryptonian in over two hundred years to be able to desire whoever you wish. You could love men or women. Your father and I would have taught you how to be careful had you grown up on Krypton. But there wasn’t time to teach. My studies of Earth showed people extremely unaccepting of those who loved differently so I had to find a way to protect you as you grew up.”

“Off-world, there had been studies that showed pink kryptonite was able to activate the alleles that caused same-sex attraction in our people. If the genes were already active, it would…”

“Deactivate them,” Kara finished. She slowly started backing up. Her head was spinning and she was terrified of how her world was about to change.

The hologram gave a short nod. “Yes. You only needed to come in contact with the kryptonite every few days for it to work on you. If you went longer than 48 hours, your genes would reactivate. You would experience new emotions. As you are not wearing the pendant, I assume you are experiencing those emotions now. You are able to desire females as well as men.”

“Oh Rao.”


	14. Timeless Void

_“You would still be sleeping in that timeless void if it wasn’t for me.” – Indigo_

 In the days following Myriad, Kara actually had time to process everything that had happened. Ms. Grant gave her a week to think of a new job which in reality lasted four days before Cat demanded an answer. Crime had even stopped for two complete days as people recovered from the effects of the mind control and killer headaches.

Supergirl spent most of that time processing what it meant to be off pink kryptonite. She had done lots of research while refusing to leave her apartment. Most of the research had made her blush, but some of it had been very informational.

When Kara left her apartment, free from the worries of Non and Myriad, she was able to focus on the world and people around her for the first time in weeks. She felt like she was waking up from a timeless void. Everything was different. Her attraction to women didn’t come slowly or softly. It hit her with the force of an escaped, alien prisoner.

How could she have never noticed how attractive women were? Kara had noticed and complimented beautiful women before but how could she have missed this kick in the heart/ovaries feeling?

It was little things that made her heart start racing:

Cat Grant looking at her with soft eyes and pronouncing her name correctly.

Random, attractive women walking by in short skirts who had legs for days.

Lucy crossing her arms in her DEO uniform.

 _Any_ woman in uniform.

Alex beating up bad guys and turning to smile at her.

Alex.

“Is this what guys feel like?” Kara hissed, pulling Winn off to the side at CatCo. “Do you feel like this all the time? Bombarded by women who are insanely attractive?”

She had told Winn about the pink kryptonite. He was her best friend except for Alex and she just couldn’t tell Alex. She had sworn him to secrecy. Winn had solemnly promised even though he knew he would last 4 seconds if Alex ever questioned him on the matter. The older Danvers sister was not a forced to be messed with.

The pink kryptonite thing made perfect sense to him when Kara had told him about it. Of course Kara was bisexual. It fit her personality. He wouldn’t be surprised to find out she was part puppy either.

He patted her shoulder. “It gets easier, Kara. You’re just…going through puberty. It will ease up.”

“It just feels so hard to control. I’m used to sorting out thoughts about guys. This just feels so new and scary,” Kara confessed, taking deep breaths. She paused to bite her lip as she saw Cat Grant bend over a worker’s desk to read something across the room. “This is so hard.”

“You know you don’t have to go cold turkey,” Winn suggested. “You could wear the pendant and try these new feelings just one day a week. Then move up to two days, etc. Try it on days you don’t have to work. You could go to the park and just look around. Maybe play fetch while you soak in the new feelings and the sun.”

Kara shook her head, choosing to ignore the dog reference. “No. This is a part of me. I want to learn to be Kara, the real Kara. I don’t want to be someone I’m not.”

“Kiera! In my office now!”

Kara squared her shoulders and made her way over to Ms. Grant. Winn pursed his lips as the pair walked into Cat’s office. It was extremely obvious Kara’s eyes were focused on watching how Ms. Grant was walking rather than what the queen of media was saying. “Yeah… this is going to be interesting.”

*

It had been a rough day, Kara reflected. A rather humiliating day in retrospection. Ms. Grant had picked up on what was wrong with her within two hours.

“Kiera, you are far too young to have latent bisexual tendencies,” Cat stated, moving to sit behind her desk. “Now I find the looks rather…flattering, but you seem to be not at ease. Go find someone to talk this over with: some psychologist or women’s history major.”

“Yes, Ms. Grant!” Kara had cried, not even bothering to deny it as she rushed out of the room.

Kara fell back onto her couch and rubbed her forehead. Had it always been this way? Had the pink kryptonite really kept such strong feelings from her for years?

She decided to test the theory by reflecting on her childhood. The first thought that popped into her head was Lena Thorul in her cheerleading uniform. Kara turned to bury her face into the couch to groan. She just realized how major a crush she had had on the older girl. Had she not been under the effects of pink kryptonite, she might have even tried to kiss Lena at the end of their paint fight. It had been one of those moments, Kara reflected.

Her memories traveled to later that night after the painting the banner. Kara gasped and spun around on the couch so her feet were on the floor. The thoughts of Alex eating ice cream out of her hand and watching Alex’s lips flooded back to her.

“I like women,” Kara dumbly stated. She repeated it to let it sink in. “I really like women. I like men and women.”


	15. Chastity Belt of Steel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating just went up to mature because of this chapter. Nothing overwhelming, just a heads up.

_“Who is hombre enough to puncture the Chastity Belt of Steel? Or is what’s required a softer touch? I mean, she does kind of give off a Sapphic vibe, with that big ol’ butch “S” chest plate.” – Leslie Willis_

Kara couldn’t stop smiling. It was their wedding day. She beamed at most of her family in the audience before stepping onto the Jewel of Truth and Honor to join hands with Al Ex-Vo. They both wore new, beautiful robes and matrimony headbands for the occasion.

The couple turned to face Alura Zor-El. Kara’s mother had insisted on marrying the couple and Kara wouldn’t have it any other way. Her mother began, “In the name of truth and honor I declare the marriage vows binding upon you. From this day forward, throughout all time and space, even unto eternity. Do you have the bracelets?”

Al Ex-Vo and Kara Zor-El pulled matching bracelets out of pockets in their robes. The couple placed the bracelets on each other’s wrists. The bracelets’ shade of blue-green was unique only to them and no other couple was allowed to duplicate it.

“Al Ex-Vo and Kara Zor-El are made wife and wife this day and for all days hence. May the countenance of Rao ever shine on you.”

The audience cheered as the couple shared their first kiss as wife and wife. They led the way to the wedding hall where busts of their parents guarded each side of the doors. Kara glanced at the statues of Al Ex-Vo’s parents. She knew, deep in her subconscious, the statues looked like Jeremiah and Eliza Danvers.

The wedding reception was a blur and soon the couple was alone in their new apartment. Kara grinned at her new wife. “We’re stuck together forever. You can never get rid of me now.”

“I will have to find something to do with you then,” The brunette replied, moving towards her wife. Kara’s next quip faded away as she was embraced. Their lips met in a desperate kiss.

Kara knew that what they were about to do didn’t happen often on Krypton. It was one of those primitive mannerisms that few lowered themselves to try. Kara didn’t care. She wanted to try it all with her love.

In their new bed, they took everything slow. They were both nervous but eager to please. The soldier took the lead as Kara wanted her to. Robes were shed and kisses moved from her lips to other parts of her body. She cried out when fingers slipped between her legs. “Alex!”

*

Kara woke with a gasp, the cry still on her lips. She could almost see the word hanging above her in bed and she wanted nothing more than to scoop it up and put it back in her mouth. Saying Alex’s name made it real. In her dream she may have married Al Ex-Vo from Krypton but everything that had happened in the apartment had been with Alex. It was Alex who made love to her, not Al.

 Unable to stay in the bed where she had dreamt of Alex, the superhero fled her apartment. She flew to Antarctica. Not for the Fortress of Solitude, but just solitude. She had never had a dream like that before, about anybody. Kara wondered if she would have had other dreams like that had she not lived under the effects of pink kryptonite for years.

“It’s so strange,” Kara said to the field of snow and ice around her. She had many views on sexual intercourse. Her Kryptonian side found it primitive. She had been raised a proper noble woman on the advanced planet and such things were not worth her time. On the other hand, she only existed because her parents decided that love was worth their time. Her Earthling side found it fascinating. It was interesting and startling at the same time.

There was one secret Kara had never told anyone. She had lied to prevent the truth from being learned. She had never slept with anyone.

Everyone assumed she had had flings during her senior year of high school or in college. Kara let them think that. She may have even insinuated such things happened. Alex had been the only one to ever ask and had only broached the subject after having too much wine one. It was the summer before Alex was to start her PhD program at Stanford and Kara had just graduated with a bachelor’s degree in liberal arts.

The superhero couldn’t remember how the conversation started. She just remembered Alex’s slurred question. “So have you done it with anyone?”

Kara blushed as she told her sister a lie. “I tried it a few times with Dick during my senior year. We had fun, but it wasn’t that big a deal.”

“Then you didn’t do it right,” Alex mumbled before letting her head fall back onto the couch. She dropped the subject at that point. Alex hadn’t wanted to know the intimate details of the affair and was grateful when Kara didn’t offer any. Under Alex’s alcohol-influenced mind she thought about how it was lucky she had never met Dick or she might be tempted to castrate him.

Dick Malverne hadn’t really been Kara’s boyfriend. They had dated, but it had only been an act. Dick had confessed to Kara he was gay and wanted her help to hide until he was free of Midvale. So they became a couple and spread rumors they had slept together.

There had been times during her few, real relationships with men that she had had the chance to be intimate. But it felt wrong to place so much trust in someone when they didn’t know who she really was or what she could do. Those relationships never lasted. She had lied to Alex because she knew it would just cause her sister something else to worry about if she told the truth.

It wasn’t that Kara was scared of sex. Okay, she was a little scared but not because of ignorance. She knew what sexual intercourse was like on Earth. She had discovered it when she was 17.

It had been the middle of summer vacation. She and Alex had spent the whole day down at the beach. That night around 1am, after being so thoroughly charged by the sun, Kara couldn’t sleep. So she went downstairs to watch television. Kara typed in the four digit parental code on the remote, not realizing she was breaking house rules and had been doing so for years. In fairness, she hadn’t known it was there to prevent her from seeing more of Earth than she should. She truly thought the child-lock was in case a child came over to the house. She was a teenager after all, not a child.

Kara’s head tilted as she browsed the channels near HBO and Showtime. The guide showed Cinemax playing little shows whose titles made no sense. She decided to click on the one marked Co-Ed Confidential.

She had gasped when it showed a naked woman rolling around with a naked man. Nudity was not an issue on Krypton. Yet she knew the couple on TV was doing something that people didn’t talk about in public. Kara then reacted like every teenager in the world when they watched TV while the rest of the world was sleeping. She turned the volume down as low as she could while still being able to hear it. In her case, she had it set to 1 out of 100.

One episode became two. The plot was horrible and the acting was mostly subpar. She blushed the whole time. Kara had turned off the television after watching a scene with two women. The pendant on her chest had felt heavier as she watched it and it made her feel shame as if she had dishonored the memory of her mother somehow. She had tossed the remote aside and went back up to her room.

The room was dark, but with her superpowers she was able to see Alex was lying in her bed. Kara had blushed, worried she had been caught. She decided to pretend she had never watched the show to begin with and climbed into her bed on the right side.

“Where were you?” Alex muttered sleepily. “I came in here to tell you about a weird dream, and you were gone. I thought you went to the bathroom.”

The older Danvers lifted her head to look at Kara’s alarm clock. “You were gone an hour.”

“I went to watch some television,” Kara answered, unable to lie to her sister at that point.

“Oh,” Alex responded. Her eyes then popped opened as she took in the tone of Kara’s voice. “Uh…Kara…did you watch Skinemax?”

“No.”

Alex let out a sigh of relief. She had been waiting for the sex talk but hadn’t wanted to give it in the middle of the night. She knew someone had to tell the Kryptonian about it, but had hoped it would be her mother or Kal-El.

“I watched Cinemax.”

“Oh God,” Alex groaned, rolling half over to bury her face in her pillow. “That is Skinemax, Kara. Cinemax after dark. You watched porn.”

“I guess,” Kara barely answered above a whisper. She made a note to look up what ‘porn’ meant. “Did I do something wrong?”

Alex rolled back over. She wanted to reach over and embrace the girl to reassure her that no, she had done nothing wrong. But it felt wrong to hug someone over watching pornography. “No, Kara. It’s fine. Do you know about sex? Sexual intercourse? Because that’s what you watched.”

“People did not have sexual relations like that back on Krypton.”

Alex chuckled. “From what I’m told, it doesn’t happen much like the shows on Earth either. The shows exaggerate some things. My mother got me a book on it. I’ll give it to you tomorrow.”

“Have you…?” Kara hedged, grateful it was dark and Alex couldn’t see her face.

“No,” Alex had answered. “I’m guessing you haven’t either?”

“No,” Kara replied, letting out a tiny breath of relief. She was glad there was no timeline for such an activity.

“Dad said years ago that you are only supposed to do it with people you like and trust. It was embarrassing to talk about at the time, but I think its solid advice now. It’s going to be different for you, Kara, but you can do it if you want to. You and your cousin are compatible with humans.”

Kara wrinkled her nose. “I don’t like to think of my baby cousin having sex.”

Alex had laughed and they had gone to sleep. Unfortunately for Kara, she would have to think about her cousin having sex. Eliza had found out what she had watched. She and Kal-El gave her the superhero sex talk. The three of them sat around the kitchen table with untouched mugs of hot chocolate in front of them.

Clark had looked uncomfortable as she felt, but he pushed through his discomfort. He wanted to impart some of his wisdom on Kara that he had had to find out the hard way.

“Our bodies are physically not that different from others. Our parts are compatible…for sex. We can’t have children with anyone on Earth,” He gently explained. Kara Zor-El nodded. She had accepted years ago that she and Clark would be the last Kryptonians.

“I’ve only ever been with Lois,” Clark continued. “I told Lois when we would be intimate was up to her. I let her lead most of the time. You already know you have to be gentle. It… doesn’t ruin the mood to be mindful of your partner’s needs. Sometimes, though, after a hard fight I lose my powers and Lois and I can be as rowdy as…”

“Stop,” Kara had called out, closing her eyes and covering her ears. “I get the picture.”

Clark laughed, uneasily. “I’m sorry, Kara. This isn’t easy for me either.”

“I know.”

“I am not going to tell you to wait for the right one like I did. Just do it with someone you trust. Lois is perfect. She knows both sides of me and that’s what made our first time perfect.”

Kara nodded in agreement, blushing to her ears. She hadn’t enjoyed having the conversation, but she was glad Kal-El had someone he loved. Kara wished that had been the end of the embarrassing talks, but it just got worse between him and Eliza.

“You shouldn’t hold onto the person you’re with when you…reach your pentacle. At least not until you get used to the feeling. You have involuntary muscle spasms,” Clark stated. “You could bruise them. Trust me, I know.”

“You shouldn’t climax with someone inside of you for the first few times you have sex either,” Eliza stated. “You don’t know what your pelvic muscles will do. Start with nothing and then move up to one finger. It wouldn’t be a bad idea if you tried masturbating in a safe environment.”

 Clark added, blushing to his ears, “You might want to keep your eyes closed a lot the first few times. The…action is rather a heated event and it flares the heat vision. I burned holes into some pillows…and the ceiling once.”

At that point, Kara had fled from the conversation down to the ocean. She never noticed Alex eavesdropping in on the entire conversation.


	16. Keep it Safe

_“Keep it safe for me?” –Kara, handing over her mother’s pendant to Alex_

Alex fiddled with the glasses she had been pouring wine into. She knew she and Kara needed to talk. This was the first time they were hanging out alone in the weeks since Myriad. It was pretty obvious something had happened with her little sister. Kara had been acting very differently.

One minute, Kara would be staring at her as if she was the only person in the world and in the next, Kara would act like a respectful stranger. It was like running hot and cold.

It was something in Kara’s eyes that caused Alex to narrow down where the change had originated from. That and the fact that Alex missed nothing when it came to Kara.

“Kara?”

“Yes?” The blonde replied, arranging the large amount of food on the coffee table so that everything was in arms’ reach.

Alex decided the Band-Aid approach was the best way to ask. Quick and fast. “I noticed in the past few weeks that your mother’s pendant is missing the pink stone in the back.”

Kara forced herself not to react. How in the name of Rao had Alex figured that out? Kara allowed a lazy grin to cross her face. “Yes, I know. It fell out. I’m not worried about it.”

That was the largest piece of bullshit Alex had ever heard, but she didn’t tell Kara that.  She knew if the Kryptonian had actually lost part of her mother’s pendant, she would rip the world apart to find it. Kara would be in the process of losing her mind.

Kara had once lost her mind over the pendant. The necklace had slipped off with a sweater Kara had worn once when she was 16 years old and it had taken two weeks to put the Danvers household back together. Alex and Eliza had helped turn over every piece of furniture until they found it in the laundry room. Kara had cried when she got it back and she had never lost it again.

The disk hadn’t fallen out, Alex finally surmised as she brought their drinks over to the coffee table. She had no doubt that Kryptonian jewelry making was far superior to Earth’s. That could only mean Kara had taken the pink stone out herself.

“It was something my mother wanted me to have.” Alex remembered Kara explaining.

“Wouldn’t your mother still want you to have it?” She asked. Kara didn’t answer for a long time as she readjusted the dishes of food. “No.”

Alex wanted to know more. She wanted to demand answers. But she knew if they talked about this, they would have to talk about everything else. Alex wasn’t ready for the ‘everything’ talk.

She decided to be a secret, government agent and find out what the pink stone was herself. Her first step was to actually find the thing.

*

Alex had looked everywhere for the missing piece of Kara’s necklace. It hadn’t been in the hologram room or anywhere in the DEO. She slipped into CatCo one night and searched the entire building. Alex had even broken down and called Clark. In reflection Alex admitted the search for the pink stone wasn’t her most professional moment.

“She hasn’t left anything with me. There is also nothing in the Fortress of Solitude,” Clark answered when she told him about the situation. “I have no idea what the possible stone could be. You should just ask her, Alex.”

She hung up on him. He was so irritating at times. Deep down, Alex disliked Kal-El. He had been like a dead-beat dad, only visiting every so often with presents. He had abandoned Kara with them and hadn’t looked back.

Clark didn’t know Alex disliked him. He liked to think his Kansas-charm and good-looks got him far in life. She pretended to be charmed by him. She even pretended to be attracted to him, but only to drive Kara up the wall. Kara looked ill every time someone went on and on about how attractive and sexy her baby cousin was.

In Kara’s defense, she had literally changed Kal-El’s diapers. She didn’t want to hear about how well his butt looked in pants. In her mind, Kal-El should only be a teenager, not nearing middle age.

Alex wanted to smack herself when she realized where Kara had placed the missing piece. While Kara was at work, Alex went to the blonde’s apartment. She found the disk in a container in the bottom drawer of Kara’s dresser. It had been wrapped in an old high-school Glee club t-shirt.

The agent took the entire container. She knew Kara wouldn’t notice it was gone for a few days.

*

Back at the DEO, Alex ran a tiny shaving of the stone through a GC machine. The results almost made her ill. The disk was molecularly similar to kryptonite. She went straight to Alura’s AI to ask her what it was. She felt like hitting herself again when she realized it might have been faster to just ask the AI to begin with.

“I’m unable to supply information on this subject.”

“What?”

The hologram of Alura repeated. “I’m unable to supply information on this subject.”

Alex swore. “Damn it. On whose authority?”

“Kara Zor-El has deemed this information classified.”

“I am Kara’s superior at the DEO. I am ordering you to tell me about this kryptonite,” Alex demanded. She knew it wouldn’t work. When she had activated the AI, she gave Kara the admin controls.

“No,” Alura-AI replied. Alex rolled her eyes, accepting defeat.

“You know,” Kara said, waltzing into the room in her super suit. “You could have just asked me. You didn’t have to search the building, search my office and home, and certainly not call my cousin.”

Alex looked away as she bit the inside of her cheek. “Clark told you.”

Kara nodded even though Alex couldn’t see her. “He was worried about you. Really, he was worried about me too. He wanted to know what you were talking about. Clark isn’t used to working alone. He doesn’t know how to be subtle.”

“So I see,” Alex replied. She knew there was no reasonable explanation for her actions. “You didn’t want to talk about it, Kara. I had to be sure you were okay.”

“What gives you the right to invade my privacy just because I don’t wish to talk about something?” Kara asked, tilting her head. Even though she was acting calm, Kara was very upset, a little angry, and immeasurably scared.

"Kara..." Alex sighed, rubbing her forehead. "You've been acting different for weeks now. I had to know if everything was alright. I will not pressure you on any other matter in your life, but when it comes to your safety I have the right to know.”

“Why? Why do you have the right to know?” Kara asked, almost demanding an answer.

Alex shook her head, as if she couldn’t believe what Kara had just asked her. “Because you’re my sister.”

Kara’s eyes flashed. “That’s not good enough. ‘Sisters’ is not good enough right now.  Why do you have the right to know things I’m not ready to talk about?”

“What do you mean it’s not good enough?” Alex shouted, balling her fists. 'Sisters' had always been good enough in the past. Except when Kara had been under Red Kryptonite but Alex wasn’t ready to bring that up yet.

"It's not good enough," Kara repeated. "You have to tell me why."

"I'm not doing this right now, Kara." Alex warned. She was not ready to have their long awaited talk. She had only wanted to make sure Kara was okay. The agent walked out of the hologram room and started back towards her lab; taking the case of pink kryptonite with her.

She was by the training room when Kara caught up with her. The blonde caught Alex's arm and pulled the woman into the open room. Alex internally snarled. She placed the container of kryptonite on the ground and slapped their training code into the monitor by the door. Green kryptonite levels were at 17 percent and the door locked, isolating them. If Kara was in the mood to fight, they would have a fight.

Kara hadn't been in the mood for that type of fight. She just wanted to finish their conversation. Still, if this was what got Alex to talk then it's what she would do. Alex stepped up on the training platform and straightened the bottom of her DEO uniform. Alex asked, "Is this what you wanted?"

The superhero shook her head. "No. I just wanted to talk."

"I don't."

"And why do we get to stop when you say so?" Kara fumed. "Why do I have to respect your privacy when you don't respect mine?"

"Because my wishes to stop don't involve kryptonite!"

"You wouldn't even have known it was kryptonite if you hadn’t gone meddling. You want to know what it is? If I'm okay? Tell me why you deserve to know more than anyone else on this planet and I will tell you. A truth for a truth."

"Because we're sisters! Damnit, Kara, what else do you want me to say! I don't know a better word for what we are. I’ve looked for stronger words to describe us and I haven't been able to find one! When I call you my sister, I mean you are my family. You are the person I chose to mean the world to me. I accept and love you as my own. I love you more than anyone or anything else in this planet because you’re mine!"

Alex couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her face as she choked out the next part. "Kara, if you died, I would cease to exist. So don't stand there and tell me it's not enough! It's all that I have."

She had nothing left to give. If that wasn't enough for Kara, Alex knew they would never be the same. She would be forever broken.

Kara moved onto the platform to stand in front of the other woman. She reached up to cup Alex’s face. Using her thumbs, she gently brushed away the tear tracks. Alex reached up to cover one of Kara's hands, but she couldn't look up. She knew Kara was studying her.

"Everything you just said, I feel too," Kara finally spoke. "It's enough. It's more than enough. I love you, Alex."

Kara moved her free hand to tilt Alex's chin up and hazel eyes met blue. Kara gave a wisp of a smile before she leaned forward, closing her eyes. Hazel eyes widened when Kara left a soft kiss on her lips. Alex inhaled through her nose in shock but before she could fully comprehend it, Kara pulled away.

The superhero turned to face the door. "The pink kryptonite does not cause physical harm to my body. It altered part of my genetics. Just a few of my alleles. The rest is…too much for me to discuss. I've enabled the AI to tell you the rest. I did that before we came in here."

Alex knew the last sentence was for her sake. It meant Kara had had faith in her answer, no matter what it had been.

Kara started walking towards the door, but stopped when arms wrapped around her.

"I don't want the AI to tell me," Alex spoke into Kara's shoulder. "I want you to tell me. A truth for a truth, Kara."

Kara tried to tug away. She didn't want to tell Alex. The alien hadn’t wanted to tell Alex before her dream, but the fear had doubled after it. She had a feeling she could tell everyone else in her life the truth but coming out to Alex felt impossible. But she couldn't tug away. In the kryptonite field, she and Alex were the same strength. Kara’s eyes glistened as she tried not to cry.

"Please, Alex. I want you to know, but don't make me tell you," Kara begged. Alex didn't respond. She hugged Kara tighter from behind and kissed her shoulder on top of the cape. “What are you afraid of, Kara?”

“That you will look at me differently,” Kara said, tears falling down her face as she revealed her biggest fear.

“You are a dummy,” Alex affectionately scolded. “After everything you just made me confess do you really think that?”

“Yes,” Kara answered. She felt Alex stiffen behind her. “It’s kind of big, Alex. But I can’t tell you if you’re holding me. Can you please let me go?”

Alex kissed her shoulder again. She released the woman and stepped back even as she said, “No. I will never let you go.”

Kara took the sentence into her heart and tried to use it as strength. “For hundreds of years, Kryptonian children had been born in labs. All their genetics were selected. One of the alleles purposeful not selected was sexual attraction to the same sex. There was no homosexuality or bisexuality on Krypton. That’s how pink kryptonite comes into play. It makes Kryptonians attracted to the same sex.”

Alex shook her head, trying to process what Kara had told her. “But…you’ve been exposed to pink kryptonite since you arrived on Earth. You’ve never…”

“Because I wasn’t born in a lab,” Kara interrupted. “I guess you could call me organic produce. All my alleles are activated. I’m the first in hundreds of years. My mother theorized if a bisexual Kryptonian was exposed to pink kryptonite it would turn off the same-sex desires. She was correct.”

“So you’re…” Alex took a breath, trying to think. The bioengineering side of her brain was going crazy with scientific questions and research ideas. The sister side of her brain was going crazy with emotions: surprise, intrigued, fear, and anger. She settled on anger.

“How could your mother do that to you?” Alex spat. “She locked away half of you for a dozen years. What was wrong with her?”

“She was just trying to protect me, Alex.” Kara said, finally turning around to face her sister. She crossed her arms and kept her head turned to the side. She was still afraid to look Alex in the face. “Earth wasn’t as accepting of the LGBTQIA community back then. It’s still a work in progress.”

“The world will just have to get used to it faster,” Alex stated, suddenly determined as if she would personally go out and change everyone’s opinions. “I would like to run some tests on you to make sure there really are no harmful effects from such a long exposure to kryptonite.”

Alex turned towards the door. She knew she was avoiding the main part of the conversation. She even knew Kara was going to point it out. She was just trying to buy some more time to think.

Kara was bisexual. Everything that had been going on with her sister was related to her sudden attraction towards women. Kara was attracted to women. And Kara had just kissed her.

“Alex,” Kara cried, hugging herself tighter. “Please. You haven’t said anything.”

Alex bit her lip and shook her head. She could see Kara out of the corner of her left eye. “There’s nothing to say, Kara. This…isn’t big. It’s surprising. It will be a bit of an adjustment, but it’s not…it doesn’t...There’s nothing wrong with you being bisexual, Kara. I still love you. It won’t change the way I look at you.”

She started to walk out of the training room, not bothering to deactivate the kryptonite force field as she left. She only heard Kara’s whisper because the room was dead quiet. She pretended not to hear it anyway. “But you haven’t looked at me.”


	17. Some Truth

_“There’s some truth to what you said. We’re going to have to work on that.”- Alex_

 

Alex knew she was a complete failure the moment she walked out of the training room. She made it twenty feet down the hall before she stopped. With a swear under her breath, she spun around on her heel and marched back into the room. The older Danvers knew they had to work on their relationship. They didn’t have to talk about everything today, but they had to get some truths out.

Kara was sitting in the middle of the platform, her arms around her knees.

“Damnit,” Alex cursed herself again. She carefully put the pink kryptonite down and reengaged the locks on the door. Kara looked up at the sound, frightened by whoever would see her like this. She hadn’t expected it to be Alex. Kara Zor-El looked away, not wanting Alex to see her like this either.

“I did not handle that well,” Alex apologized, staying off the platform. She started to pace clockwise around the platform. “My brain isn’t as fast as your Kryptonian one. I don’t care who you love, Kara. They will never been good enough for you in my mind whether it’s a man or a woman. I just worry this is another way you’re going to get hurt. You just added a whole new group of people who can hurt you.”

“I didn’t add anything,” Kara snapped, still deeply upset over the entire situation. “It was always there. It’s not fair that I have to deal with this now. Everything is so new and scary. And you wouldn’t look at me.”

“I am looking at you now, Kara.” Alex said, turning to face her. “I’m just afraid. I didn’t want you to see how afraid I am. It was supposed to be a happy moment; you discovering a new part of yourself. And all I could be was afraid.”

Kara shook her head, not understanding. “Why are you so afraid? Why is it different if a woman hurts my feelings instead of a man?”

Alex cracked a brief smile. “Because women are crazy, Kara.”

Kara laughed. She laughed hard and long for the first time in weeks. Alex smiled, pleased to hear the sound. She stepped up onto the platform and went to sit in front of her, her legs on either side of Kara.

“Have you had the chance to act on your feelings?” Alex asked. She really didn’t want to know, but she knew Kara needed to talk about them.

Kara actually didn’t need to talk about her new feelings, especially not with Alex after her dream. She only answered because Alex asked. “Not really? It’s just been staring and a bit of drooling. Ms. Grant noticed.”

Alex winced; she could only imagine how awkward that had been. A headache started to form behind her eyes at the thought of Kara sleeping with her boss. She did not want to deal with Cat Grant at family gatherings.

“I can’t go back to the Starbucks on fifth and main,” Kara continued. “I ogled the barista until she wrote her phone number on my cup. I didn’t call her. I feel so bad for leading her on.”

You will not laugh, Alex firmly told herself. Kara caught the twinkle in Alex’s eyes and gave a half-laugh herself. She unfolded her legs and allowed them to overlap Alex’s. She was able to inch closer that way.

“Winn took me to a gay club. A lot of men bought him drinks and a lot of women wrote their numbers on me. They seemed to really like my arms. I didn’t feel bad about not calling them back because I didn’t stare at them too much.”

The twinkle fell from Alex’s eyes and the brunette tightened her jaw. Alex firmly told herself that she was only angry at how forward those women were. She was totally not jealous.  

“Is that all?” Alex asked. Kara made a big show of nodding yes as she lied. “Yeah, that’s it.”

“You’re lying.” Blue eyes met soft, hazel ones. Kara gulped and looked down, blonde locks falling over her face. “I am.”

The agent gave a wisp of a smile. “You don’t have to tell me. I do respect your privacy.”

“I know. I’m sorry for being so angry earlier. I was just scared of telling you,” Kara apologized, keeping her head ducked.

Alex took advantage of the kryptonite force field to pull Kara closer. It put the blonde practically in her lap as she hugged the other woman. Kara took advantage of the force field as well, hugging her sister as hard as she could. A minute passed, the hard hug eased into a soft embrace. They kept holding each other long after they should have broken apart.

In Alex’s arms, Kara was able to tell a half-truth. “I do have feelings for someone.”

“I know.”

And Alex did know. As they held each other, she had time to process everything. She was a very intelligent woman once she knew all the variables in an equation. There was only one conclusion about why Kara hadn’t told her the moment the superhero had found out about the pink kryptonite. There was only one conclusion of why Kara had kissed her on the lips.

But that was something they were going to have to work on later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, Alex totally does know Kara has feelings for her. She's just got to process her own.


	18. Without me, you have no life

_“And you know what the sad truth is? Without me, you have no life. And that kills you. Deep down, you hate me. And that’s why you killed my aunt.” – Kara under the influence of Red Kryptonite_

The pair of Danvers went back to how things used to be over the next few weeks. It was easier to slip into old routines than to finish working on their relationship. Kara never mentioned her feelings again and Alex didn’t mention she knew. Kara’s bisexuality only was brought up in passing, mostly to and from Winn and never directly to Alex.

Kara was settling into her job as a reporter and had thankfully passed out of puberty. Her attraction to women felt as natural as her attraction to men. The only time she felt any kicks to the heart were around Alex, but she hid those very well. At least, she tried too.  

*

“Don’t go down there, sir.” Vasquez reported to J’onn. “Agent Danvers and Supergirl are having a discussion about what happened on the field today.”

“I see,” J’onn said, putting his hands on his hips. “When did they go in?”

“Four minutes ago, sir.”

“Best send out a message to all in-house agents to stay clear of the training hallway for another hour.”

“Yes, sir.”

*

Kara ground her teeth together as she listened to Alex go over every mistake she had made in the field. Normally, she would be the better woman about such things. She would nod and take notes. But Kara didn’t regret what she had done so she wasn’t thrilled by the lecture she was receiving.

It had been a simple enough mission at first. Some new villain had sent a giant android to destroy National City. Kara had been all set to kick its butt, but Alex had gotten to the scene first. Kara saw Alex fall to the ground after getting slammed with a giant fist. Her sister hadn’t moved. She hadn’t even looked like she was breathing. Kara had lost control.

How was she supposed to know Alex was faking it to get to an override button on the android’s body, Kara mentally complained.

Supergirl had left the android in ashes. She didn’t even leave a microchip for the DEO to run a trace on. She hadn’t even made a witty ‘Apple vs. Android’ comment. All she had cared about was making sure Alex was okay and destroying the thing that had hurt her.

Alex probably wouldn’t be as upset if the press hadn’t been there, Kara reflected. It wasn’t good for her image to be seen as angry as she had been under the influence of red kryptonite. But this anger had been different. This anger came from the pain she felt when she thought she was going to lose Alex.

“Kara, you can’t do things like that. You’re a superhero. You have to represent all the goodness in the world.” Alex scolded, her arms crossed as she studied the other woman across the training room.

“Okay, Ms. Grant.” Kara snapped, pacing around. “Message received.”

Alex shook her head. “I don’t think the message was received. You are a symbol of hope for the whole city. You can’t behave that way.”

Alex’s sentences reminded Kara of their fight before they broadcasted her speech and the House of El symbol to all of National City. It only fueled her anger over the situation.

“Fine, I’ll behave in the future. But I’m going to ask you a question and you’re going to answer me honestly. I’ve been keeping too many things bottled up lately. I know I only acted as badly as I did under red kryptonite because I hadn’t talked about them. We’re going to talk about them now.” Kara said, stalking up onto the platform.

“Fine,” Alex echoed, throwing her hands up in the air. “Let’s talk about them. It’s been long overdue anyway. I’ll start. You still hate me for killing Astra.”

Kara staggered back a step. Alex had come out swinging. “I don’t hate you.”

Alex took a step forward to make up the distance, a finger pointed out in accusation. “Yes, you do. You accused me of hating you and killing your aunt because of it. You thought that, Kara. You thought I hated you so much that I would kill one of the two family members you had left.”

“My family is bigger than that,” Kara gently reminded her.

Alex’s voice cracked in her next accusation. “You made me think…we were going to be okay. I told you the truth in this room, expecting you to leave, and you hugged me.”

“Alex, I could see it was breaking you apart. I couldn’t let you,” The superhero admitted. “So I gave you what you needed to put yourself back together.”

“Yes,” Alex said, swallowing past the lump in her throat. “I noticed. Not many people can say Supergirl held them all night. But I didn’t need Supergirl, I needed Kara.”

“I couldn’t be Kara then! I had just found out that you stuck a sword through my aunt. I needed time to accept, to adjust. I thought horrible things, Alex.”

“Did you think them while you were holding me that night?” Alex forced herself to ask. It felt like Kara had ripped a hole in her heart when the blonde looked away. She turned around, unable to look at the other woman.

Kara caught Alex’s arm and spun her back around. They weren’t going to do that. This was going to be a face-to-face showdown about everything.

“Yes, I thought them as I held you that night. I also thought about how much I loved you and how I couldn’t lose you. I thought about every childhood moment with Astra and every childhood moment with you. I thought about how I left a perfect world on Krypton only to come out and be presented with a perfect hell. You pulled me from heaven and killed my aunt. So yes, a part of me did think you hated me.”

Alex shrugged out of Kara’s grasp. “That’s not what happened.”

“But it’s what it felt like,” Kara countered, getting angry as her thoughts kept going back to the symbol of hope. “I knew you had to hate me because it was the only reason you didn’t love me as much as I loved you.”

Alex looked like Kara had punched her. She might as well have from the amount of pain that sprung up in Alex’s chest. “How dare you say that to me? You are my sister, Kara. I love you more than anything on this planet. I literally flew out into space for you.”

“Then why wasn’t I enough to bring you out of Myriad’s control?” Kara shouted, flinging her arms out in frustration. That question had been haunting her for weeks.

“What?” The agent asked, shaking her head in confusion.

Kara took a step into Alex’s personal space. “I begged you to wake up. I begged you to come back to yourself and you didn’t. You sliced me with the sword you used to kill Astra as I begged you not to. How can I be a symbol of hope for a whole city and not be able to reach the one person I needed the most? Why was I not good enough for you?”

Alex sucked in a breath, shocked by the questions. “Kara, that has nothing to do with how much I love you.”

“It has to, Alex!” Kara cried out, blue eyes glistening in the room’s lights. “It has too. You brought me out of the Black Mercy’s hold. I loved you enough to leave what I thought was a perfect world. But I wasn’t enough to bring you out of Myriad’s control. The city loved me enough to break out from under Non, but not you.”

Alex clenched her right fist. She lifted and dropped it several times, intending to talk but continuously changing what she wanted to say in her mind.

“Tell me the truth, Alex.” Kara ordered, her shoulders slumped. She was losing the energy to fight.

“Supergirl is not a symbol of hope for me,” Alex finally stated. Kara swallowed back the bile that threatened to rise out of her stomach. That comment hurt so much more than she realized it would. She turned away. “At least you were honest.”

Alex marched over and whipped the superhero back around. She was not done yet. “You will let me finish. Supergirl is not a symbol of hope. For the people, yes but not for me. I do believe from the very bottom of my heart that we are stronger together, Kara. But when I look at Supergirl, I don’t think of hope. I think of despair.”

“Why?” Kara asked softly, unable to believe what she was hearing.

“Supergirl and Superman are immortal. They are superheroes who are going to live on forever. To the people, they will always be a symbol of hope. I do believe Supergirl represents kindness, strength, and justice. But on this planet, she will live long after I’m gone. You are going to live after I die, bringing hope and justice to this world.”

“No, I’m not.” Kara stated her jaw setting firm. Alex reached out to grab Kara’s shoulders and shook her. Her words were almost hysterical. “Wake up, Kara. Yes, you are. Kal-El still looks like he’s in his twenties. You two age at a fifth of the rate humans do. Lois and I will die long before either of you have gray hairs.”

Kara cupped Alex’s face and kissed her. The kiss was over again before Alex could react. Kara moved her hands down to Alex’s shoulders, wanting to make sure Alex paid full attention to everything she was about to say. “Alexandra Danvers, I will not live on this Earth without you. When you go to join Rao in the sky, I will be beside you. I am only a hero because I have the heart of one. You are my heart, Alex. I can’t and won’t do this without you.”

Alex felt more tears roll down her face. She was certain she had cried more in this past year with Kara than her whole life put together. She inhaled and exhaled a deep breath to calm herself. She wanted to make sure Kara perfectly understood what she had to say in reply.

“That night in your apartment after you set your clothes on fire, you told me the sad truth was that I had no life without you. That deep down I hated you. There was some truth to that. I have no life without you. You are my life and deep down, I love you.”

Kara smiled for the first time in hours, her blue eyes soft with love. “I love you too.”

Alex wanted a hug. She desperately needed a hug. But there was one thing she had left to say while they were discussing truths. “I can’t stop hurting when I think about how I wasn’t in your perfect world.”

“You were there,” Kara confessed one of the secrets she had been holding back for weeks. Soaking in Alex’s incredulous look, she almost chuckled. It was more from nerves that humor. She opened her mouth to tell Alex everything, about Al Ex-Vo and her feelings, when the sound of an intercom made them spring apart.

“Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but we have an emergency.”

Kara used her super suit’s sleeve to wipe away Alex’s tears. “I will tell you everything later. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It bugged me that Kara was able to reach an entire city as a symbol of hope, but not Alex. Why did it take bring up her father for Alex to snap out of Myriad's control? I realized it was because Alex didn't view Supergirl as a symbol of hope.


	19. Need You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stole a bit of plot from Season 2 but I'm off canon by not including Clark. I just do not have the energy to deal with the drama that brought up between our ladies.

_“Well I may not need Superman to be a hero, but I will always need you.”- Kara_

 

Later didn’t come for a week as they tracked down someone trying to kill the president. It was quite a shock for Kara to realize that she had a major crush on the female president. Winn had teased her about it. “She’s like twice your age, Kara.”

“Technically,” Kara corrected, doing the math in her head, “She’s only four years older than me. Not a horrible age difference.”

“I forget that you could qualify for a senior citizen’s discount in a few years,” He laughed. He winced at the poke in his shoulder. “Ouch.”

Kara hadn’t meant to poke him so hard. She was just nervous. She and Alex would be leaving in a few hours for Midvale. Eliza had called and asked Kara to check on the house in Midvale while she was away at a conference for the next few days. She normally had a neighbor do it, but the neighbors she trusted were all on vacation.

Alex had been with the superhero out in the field when Kara had taken the call. Somehow, Kara checking up on the house turned into her and Alex house-sitting. Eliza even left them a list of things she would like them to do around the house while she was gone. There was actual mother guilt-trips involved, something Alex was familiar with but left Kara frazzled.

“Ready to go?”

Kara politely turned her eyes away to keep from admiring Alex’s swagger as she walked up to Winn’s desk. Alex glanced at the inside of her right wrist to check the time. Kara smiled. Alex wore her watch just like her father had.

“We need to go now to avoid the traffic.”

“I could just fly us to Midvale,” Kara pointed out for the dozenth time. “I could even fly your SUV there.”

Alex shook her head, refusing to discuss the matter. It was cowardly of her but driving her own vehicle meant she had an escape plan if things went wrong with their overdue talk. Kara could just fly away if she wanted; Alex needed the option to drive away.

“You don’t have to drive with me,” Alex reminded the superhero also for the twelfth time. “You could just meet me there.”

 “Don’t be ridiculous,” Kara reprimanded. “We’re in this together.”

Alex gave a curt nod and headed out of the building. Winn gave Kara a thumbs-up and whispered, “Good luck.”

Kara blushed. She hadn’t realized she had been so obvious about her feelings for Alex. She had. There was even a betting pool going on at the DEO on which woman Kara would end up with and when. Winn kept track of everyone’s bets and Vasquez was holding the money. J’onn thought it was a waste of time and energy but placed his money on Alex Danvers to win that night.

The drive out of the city was a quiet one. Alex focused on traffic and Kara kept silent to let her sister focus. Once they were on the calmer highway to Midvale, Kara opened her mouth to explain as she had promised. “Alex, about my perfect world…”

“Later,” Alex hoarsely stated, tightening her hands on the wheel. “We’re never going to make it there if you tell me now so just…later.”

“Okay,” Kara softly agreed, rubbing her hands up and down her thighs to calm herself. She didn’t know why the comment hurt. She turned her head to look out the window.

Kara twitched in surprise when she felt a hand start to slide under her left one. Without any thought, she laced their fingers together. She gave Alex a shy glance, but the other woman was keeping her eyes on the road.

The car drive continued in silence as they held hands. It was a straight shot to Midvale so they never had to let go so Alex could turn the wheel. Halfway through the trip, Alex used the steering wheel controls on the left hand side to turn on some music.

“This next one is Charlie Puth’s new release about Supergirl: One Call Away.” The DJ announced.

Alex couldn’t hold back her smile as Kara squealed in the seat next to her. She was already turning up the volume.

“ _I'm only one call away. I'll be there to save the day. Superman’s got nothing on me. I'm only one call away. Call me, baby, if you need a friend. I just wanna give you love. Come on, come on, come on. Reaching out to you, so take a chance. No matter where you go, you know you're not alone._ ”

Alex felt her heart jump into her throat as she listened to the lyrics. She would have pulled her hand away had Kara not tightened her grip. She could feel her palm getting sweaty and she tried not to imagine Kara singing the song to her.

“Huh.” Kara muttered when the song ended. Alex turned the volume back down and shot her sister a sideways look. “You didn’t like it?”

“No, I loved it. It’s just…it wasn’t about me.”

Alex fully turned her head to gawk at the blonde. “What are you talking about? It was totally about you.”

Kara shook her head. “I don’t know how that Charlie guy knows about you, Alex, but he wrote that song about you. Remember? I don’t need Superman as my hero, but I’ll always need you. Superman’s got nothing on you.”

Alex snapped her head back around to look at the road, working her jaw around a few times as she tried not to blush. It was stupid at how happy that comment made her.

*

Kara rushed into the house the moment they had pulled up into the driveway. Alex grumbled something about ‘super strength’ and ‘leaving me with the luggage’. Kara ignored the comment. She was eager to get inside.  

“Hey Streaky,” Kara cried out, rushing to pick up the black cat and kissing the back of his head. Streaky started to purr in her arms. He gave Alex the stink eye when she walked in the house with her and Kara’s bags. Alex had never liked the black cat and he had never liked her. Both were very jealous over Kara’s affections and they didn’t enjoy sharing.

Streaky was the real reason they had to housesit that weekend. Someone had to make sure the animal didn’t live up to his kitten name. Kara had found the kitten a week after Alex had left for Stanford. Alex still wrinkled her nose as she remembered Kara explaining his name over the phone. “He’s having a lot of trouble learning to use the litter box.”

Alex went to toss her bag in her old room, dumping Kara’s bag unceremoniously onto the floor before she went. Eventually she made her way to the kitchen where she found her mom’s to-do list. Kara came in a moment later and went straight to the fridge. Eliza had mentioned something about leftovers and she needed something to tide her until dinner.

“You’re doing these by yourself,” Alex stated firmly after reading the list. Kara rolled her eyes and went over to read the list herself. It involved everything from cleaning the gutters to dusting the ceiling fans.

“Why do I have to do this all by myself?” Kara pouted. “What did I do?”

“Your cat.”

“But Alex!”

Alex fought not to laugh as she crossed her arms. “It’s your cat, Kara.”

“This is a long list! Please!”

“Fine,” Alex relented. “I’ll go ‘fix the shed door from squeaking’.”

“That’s like the easiest one!” Kara protested again. Alex shrugged, unable to stop her smirk. “You can fly.”

“Fine,” The superhero grumbled. “Even though this is your mother.”

“Tell you what,” The older Danvers offered. “How about you get started on cleaning and I’ll run and go get us some dinner after I take a shower?”

“Fair enough.” Kara accepted. She just wondered when they were going to talk. When would it be later?

*

“Hey, I’m back,” Alex called out as she walked into the house. She paused, looking up to realize she hadn’t needed to shout. Kara was floating near the ceiling, wiping off the fans.

“Hey,” Kara beamed, pausing her dusting to look down at her. The smile slowly faded off her face as she gave the air a sniff. “I don’t smell potstickers.”

Alex sighed, adjusting the bags in her hands. “Kara, I don’t know how to tell you this so I’m just going to say it. Hong Kong closed down two months ago.”

The superhero dropped unceremoniously to the ground. Her eyes welled with tears. “That was the first place I ate a potsticker. Jeremiah ordered one of everything so I could try it all.”

The older Danvers moved to place the fast food bags on the coffee table and went to give the alien a hug. Alex remembered that night. She had been so irritated with Kara. She loved potstickers, that’s why her father had ordered two of the appetizer instead of just one. Kara had eaten eight out of ten before Alex could claim her two out of her rightful five. Hazel eyes had glared at longing blue ones eyeing hers potstickers.

“Sorry,” Kara had muttered at the table. “They are just the closest thing I’ve eaten to Kryptonian food. They are similar to a dumpling very common on my planet. Mother didn’t like them but my father and I loved them. We’d go out to eat them, just the two of us, when my mother had to work late.”

Teenage Alex didn’t notice the hard stare from Eliza telling her to share after the family heard the story. She was already holding out one of the two potstickers to the blonde-haired girl. The joyful look she received in return was worth it. She did eat the last one herself though.

Alex would have given Kara both potstickers if that moment took place today instead of twelve years ago.

“I’m okay,” Kara said, pulling away from the hug. “What did you get instead?”

Alex grinned. “I noticed Arby’s had a buy 5 roast beefs for $10 sale going so I bought twenty.”

“And curly fries?” Kara added, holding her breath in hope. Alex rolled hers. “Of course. Four large ones.”

“You are the most beautiful creature on the planet,” Kara solemnly stated. Alex blushed. Kara was looking at her like she hung the moon instead of spending over fifty bucks on fast food. The blonde smiled and went to eat.

“Hey, don’t eat all the fries!” Alex called out as she spun around. “I mean it, Kara.”

“My god, Kara. Did you even chew?” She demanded to know as she found Kara holding a half-empty fry container. She was met with innocent eyes. “I only had one. It was long and curly one. It was the size of a slinky.”

“I’m sure,” The other woman mumbled as she snagged one of the other containers and a sandwich for herself. She doubted Kara would eat the other 19 in one sitting, but she was sure they would be gone by morning. She started looking through the bags for the sauce packets when something hit her forehead.

“Sorry,” Kara said, not sorry. Alex pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at the superhero. She decided to let it go when she saw the object that had hit her was the horsey sauce she had been looking for. Kara thought it was a crime against nature to put anything on Arby’s roast beef sandwich than Arby’s sauce, but her sister liked the horseradish sauce. In the alien’s opinion, horseradish was for tartar sauce which was for seafood only.

They watched television as they ate. Kara was grateful she had been taught to save vacuuming for last while doing chores. It was so hard to pick up sesame seeds.

Alex laughed when she saw Kara had sauce on the corner of her mouth. She wiped it off with her own napkin. That action led to a long, meaningful stare that was only broken when the cat jumped up onto the coffee table, startling the pair.

“Ugg. I don’t like cats,” Alex firmly stated, pushing Streaky off the coffee table. Kara gasped in mock outrage. “Hey. Don’t be mean to him. I know you like dogs but that’s no reason to take it out on him. It’s my fault you never got the puppy you wanted.”

That was true, Alex reflected. She had wanted a puppy for Christmas twelve years ago and instead she got a Kryptonian.

“I’ve got you,” Alex grinned. “Practically the same thing. You shed like a retriever.”

Kara looked offended. “I do not! My hair is just really long.”

“I’ve noticed over the years,” Alex drawled. Remembering when they shared a bathroom.

Kara played with the ends of her hair. “Sometimes I think I should just cut it off. But people would notice if Kara Danvers and Supergirl both got short hair at the same time.”

“I like it long.” The comment slipped out of Alex’s mouth before she could stop it. Kara’s eyes squinted in pleasure. “Then I won’t cut it.”

Alex looked away, clearing her throat.

“Is it later yet?” A shy voice asked. Alex nodded, unable to speak.

Kara took a deep breath and exhaled it. “I spent over a year on Krypton under the Black Mercy. You probably didn’t notice because even though you were there for two weeks, you were kept sedated most of the time. You kept fighting when you were awake so they kept you asleep. They only woke you up for the trial. You saw my family, but you never saw Astra or yourself.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked, turning on the couch to face the younger woman. Part of what Kara was saying made sense. She remembered brief moments that felt like she was waking up and fighting. She even remembered Kara being beside her once, but she chalked it up to struggling against the Black Mercy. “How could I be on Krypton? I couldn’t possibly be your sister there.”

“No,” Kara agreed. “You weren’t my sister. You weren’t even there for the first half of the year. As time went on in the dream, I started forgetting things about Earth. I slowly forgot everyone. Except for you. Every morning I would wake up with your name on my lips. Every day, I searched for a way to get back to you. I could barely remember what you looked like but I knew I had to get back to you. I knew my reality wasn’t real unless there was an ‘Alex’ in it.”

“I think the pink kryptonite kept the Black Mercy from adding you into my dream until it was out of my bloodstream. I don’t know why but that’s what I think happened. Because about six months in, you did appear. I woke up with your name on my lips, like always, but Aunt Astra was there. She had a new lieutenant. She introduced me to a beautiful woman with chestnut hair and hazel eyes and it felt right. Astra said her name and I _knew_ it was right.”

“What was her name?” Alex asked, her heart beating faster.

Blue eyes met hazel ones. “Her name was Al Ex-Vo. Al, daughter of Ex-Vo, daughter of the House of Vo.”

Alex looked away. She remembered a few times after the Black Mercy when Kara had called her by what she had thought was a silly shortening of her name. Al. Kara had been remembering someone else.

“She was a soldier who hunted down alien criminals on Krypton,” Kara explained, knowing she had to say it all. “We were instant friends. Every night, after work, she would come over and we’d watch movies together. I laughed and smiled more than I could remember. Sometimes, she’d spend the night and we’d cuddle. It was perfect. Then you came into the dream.”

Alex’s thoughts turned dark. No wonder it had taken so long to reach Kara. She had already replaced her with a Kryptonian model.

Kara moved closer on the couch to take one of Alex’s hands. She could see the cross look on the agent’s face.

“I was so confused when you arrived. You looked so much like Al Ex-Vo. But you weren’t Al, you were Alex. You were an alien spy and no one wanted me near you. But that didn’t stop me, Alex. I visited you every day.”

Kara blushed. “I even stood up Al for a dinner date to sit by your side one evening.”

“Good.” Alex clinched her jaw. She hadn’t meant to let that slip.

The blonde sighed, wanting to rub her eyes. This was not going as planned. She hadn’t expected Alex to be jealous.

“Al came by your room to see why I was late for our dinner. I was so flustered about it. I apologized for being late to our date. Then I freaked out that I used the word ‘date’ and went into this crazy ramble about dating. I did want to date Al. I loved her. I was in love with her. She said she wanted to date me too. We went on a perfect date and outside of my parents’ apartment we shared a kiss. I went back to my room thinking about how I was going to marry her and we were going to have kids.”

Alex ground her teeth together. Was it normal to be so insanely jealous of your dream-self?

Kara reached out with her free hand and turned Alex’s face towards her. “Hey. I didn’t choose her over you. Despite that kiss and my dreams of the future, I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Alex, the alien spy, sleeping across the city. I went to see you again. I don’t know why but I leaned down to kiss your cheek as you slept. You actually woke up, for a moment, to say my name. The next day was your trial and I came home with you.”

The agent jumped off the couch and walked towards the glass doors that led to the deck. She needed some air. Kara hesitated before following after her, uncertain of everything.

Alex gulped in large lungful’s of the ocean air, trying to clear her head. It made horrible sense now. Kara didn’t actually have feelings for her. It was just a chemically-induced reinforcement that Kara thought she still had.

“Are you angry with me?” Kara asked in a tiny voice behind her.

Alex barked a self-deprecating laugh and shook her head. “No. No, Kara. It makes sense now, all of it. I’m not mad you dreamed of me as Al Ex-Vo. It was just the Black Mercy using your memories to create a new version of me that would make sense in your dream. I couldn’t be your sister without ruining the fantasy of Krypton so it made me into something equally as close. Everything you’re feeling is just from the Black Mercy’s manipulation.”

Kara’s brow furrowed as she frowned. Like Rao it was.

She stormed over to the brunette and caught Alex’s arm before she could move away. She turned Alex around to face her and her anger faded when she saw the tears in the corners of Alex’s eyes. The superhero knew Alex was crying because she was afraid her words were true. That Kara only thought she loved Alex because she had been lead to love Al Ex-Vo.

“You dummy. I don’t love you because I loved Al Ex-Vo. I loved Al Ex-Vo because I love you. The Black Mercy didn’t randomly create a role for you, Alex. It gave me my perfect fantasy. I wanted to love and be loved by you. I wanted to share a life, marriage, and children with you. It was what I wanted.” Kara took a breath before adding. “It’s what I want.”

She’s going to kiss me, Alex thought a second before it happened. Having already happened twice, she knew the signs. The previous times she had been caught off guard, unable to stop or react if she had wanted to. Alex knew she could stop it with a single word or by turning her head. Instead, she stood still and let the impossibly soft lips of the Girl of Steel brush against hers.

Kara backed away, her eyes still closed from the kiss. It was selfish but she wasn’t going to stop doing that until Alex told her to stop. Because until Alex told her to stop, she considered those kisses hope that the other woman _didn’t_ want her to.

“I’ll be up in my room when you want to talk,” Kara whispered, turning to leave. It was definitely a ‘when’ and not an ‘if’. They both knew they had to talk sooner or later. Alex watched her go.

Once Kara was upstairs, Alex mentally drew up a comparison chart. In her mind, she drew two columns and labeled them Alex and Al Ex-Vo. Alex snorted over her Kryptonian name. She would have to ask Kara about the House of Vo later. There was going to be a later because no matter what, they would always be together.

Both columns received a check at her first mental comparisons. Both soldiers, both worked with aliens, both close with Kara. Alex clenched her jaw when she realized she couldn’t put a check by her name over ‘been on a date with Kara’. She did check off both of their columns on kissing. Granted, she hadn’t actually kissed Kara back but she had allowed the last one. It counted, she decided.

Alex sighed when she realized the chart was getting her nowhere. She just needed time to think it through. The agent knew Eliza had stocked the freezer with ice cream for them both, but decided to go get more as an excuse to get away and think. She grabbed her keys and walked out the door.

Alex was leaving, Kara realized. She wrapped her arms tighter around herself and started to rock back and forth. She didn’t know what she would do if Alex left. Kara was all set to chase after the older woman when her super-hearing picked up the sound.

“I’m just going to go get some ice cream. I’ll be back.” Kara heard Alex call out while standing beside the SUV. Kara relaxed but only a little. She decided to wait on the roof until Alex returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was craving food last night and ended up at Arby's. Thus how it ended up in tonight's chapters.


	20. Find Love and Be Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go.

_“I want you to have a good life. I want you to find love and be happy. I want you to do all the things that being my sister kept you from doing. Promise me.” - Kara_

 

As Alex drove, she took the time apart from Kara to think. It was time to sort out her own feelings; she already knew Kara’s. The worst part was that she already knew what her feelings about Kara were. There’s only so many times and so many different ways you can tell a woman you love her before your realize you are probably _in_ love with her. Yet, as a scientist, Alex couldn’t jump from point A to point K without logically proving each step.

The issue wasn’t that Kara was a woman. Alex had long ago decided that her sexuality was best left unlabeled. It was very ironic for her life really. She labeled _everything_. Her lab was impeccably organized and labeled beyond OSHA regulations. That was a good thing really. All top-secret, government organizations were required to answer to three offices: the executive branch, IRS, and OSHA. Nothing made J’onn square his shoulders back for battle like an impending OSHA inspection.

One issue was that Kara was an alien from outer space. Their yellow sun would allow Kara to long outlive herself. Alex had seen the movie _Highlander_. The alien Connor MacLeod outlived all of his loves and every one of them had cursed his youth as they died.

Alex sighed. She couldn’t use Kara’s immortality against her, not after the promise Kara made. She briefly smiled over the memory. It had been completely overwhelming at the time, but now it was a thought that warmed her heart.

Another worry Alex had was Kara was confusing the Black Mercy’s hallucinations with real life. Loving the dream of a person was not the same thing as loving the actual person. Alex shook that thought from her head, too. It was really demeaning towards Kara to doubt her feelings again.

She processed other issues and worries as she went into the store and purchased a small handcart full of ice cream pints. She completely ignored the cashier’s attempts at small talk, not trying to be rude but lost in thought. It took the cashier clearing her throat three times before Alex woke up enough to realize she needed to pay.

“Breakup?” The teenage girl asked shyly, glancing at the three bags of ice cream. Alex gave a single, harsh laugh. “No. Not on my watch.”

The girl beamed, understanding half of the cryptic reply. “Nice. Good luck with her.”

Alex nodded, sagely, and scooped up her bags. She returned to her thoughts as she drove back to her parents’ house. She roughly talked out the situation to the steering wheel, calling herself ‘you’ in the scenario.

“Kara has feelings for you. You have feelings for her. You two are sisters. But you define ‘sister’ as so much more than anyone else does. She says you are her heart. You can’t live without her. She’s a superhero and you are a secret agent. She’s only recently discovered she is bisexual and you don’t believe in personal labels. This can’t possibly work because of your family, your job, or a dozen other little things.”

She slammed her heel into the steering wheel in frustration. This talk was not going in the direction she wanted. That’s when she realized it. She had spent the last forty minutes trying to argue herself out of a relationship with Kara. It had never occurred to her to look at things from the other side. So for the last five minutes of the drive, she argued herself _into_ a relationship.

“She makes you so happy. These last few times you’ve really talked, you know that she puts you first. She would choose a short-human life with you than to live immortally by her cousin’s side. You know her secrets and she knows yours. Your movie nights are the best part of your week. You’re so happy you two work together so you get to see her every day. You get to protect her and you take care of each other. In your mental fantasy, you were living together and so happy. You had wanted to kiss her in your daydream.”

“There’s some truth to that,” Alex mumbled, breaking one ramble with another. Kara had kissed her three times now and the kisses had ended before she could even respond. It wasn’t her normal style.

In Alex’s few relationships, she had taken the lead. Even if she wasn’t the one who initiated the first kiss, she was the one who decided if those kisses should continue or stop. They had never ended before she could make a decision. She certainly wouldn’t have allowed three to go by unspoken about. She had always taken the lead; always taken control. So it was really unfair how out of control she was over the whole matter.

That wasn’t true, Alex realized. She had complete control over the matter. Kara would stop if she told her too. They could go back to what they were or try something new at her decision. She just knew they couldn’t stay where they were. She made a decision. It was selfish.

*

 “I knew I would find you out here,” Alex said, climbing out of Kara’s window onto the roof. In one hand was a pint of ice cream and a single spoon and a quilt in the other. The blonde was leaning back on her hands, watching the stars.

Kara half-smiled, thinking of all the times they had spent outside. It really was a great spot to sit. You could see the stars, hear the ocean, and there was always a breeze. On nights the moon lit up the sky, you could even see the waves breaking against the shore.

When Kara caught sight of the items Alex held, she laughed. “Déjà vu.”

Alex smiled as she set the items down beside Kara. Before Kara could ask or even worry that Alex hadn’t sat right beside her, Alex had swung a leg over hers and was kneeling on her lap. Kara blinked in surprise, certain the roof shingles could not feel good on Alex’s knees. “Alex…”

“Ssh,” Alex whispered. “Don’t move.”

The ice cream was ignored.

She rested one hand on Kara’s shoulder and used her other to trace over the line of Kara’s jaw. When she tilted her chin up, she could see the moon reflecting in Kara’s eyes. She kept staring into them as she leaned forward. Her eyes flickered down to Kara’s lips at the last moment before she closed them. She smiled into the kiss as Kara sharply inhaled in surprise. She pressed the kiss deeper before pulling away.

Kara was still leaning back onto her hands, but her fingers had curled into fists. Her eyes were tightly closed and her lips slightly open.

“Are you okay?”

“You told me not to move,” A painfully out-of-breath voice replied. Alex laughed, “You can move, Kara.”

So Kara did move, right into another kiss. This kiss had both parties as active participants and was the best one yet, Kara decided.

When their fifth kiss ended two minutes later, both women were a little shaken.

“Alex, I never thought I’d say this but I’m glad my mother put pink kryptonite in my pendant. I could not have handled this when I was a teenager. All I want to do is kiss you again,” Kara confessed, looking like she was being denied her favorite treat.

Alex pulled back as she cleared her throat. She ran her hands back through her hair. “We need to slow down a bit.”

At Kara’s crestfallen look, Alex reached over to cup her face. “Hey. I just said we need to slow down. I didn’t say we were stopping.”

“So,” Kara hedged. “Is there…are we… doing something that could be stopped? I mean…are we actually going?”

Alex smiled, loving Kara’s awkward question. She wondered if Kara was just nervous or if her mind was overloading with thoughts that were coming in at two different languages.

The agent looked down; focusing on Kara’s pendant as she decided to confess her feelings. “I didn’t always love you, Kara. I didn’t hate you; I just didn’t know you. I was upset when you first came into my life. I resented you for following me around everywhere, embarrassing me in front of my friends. It took a few months before I realized I liked you. That I liked being around you and how you made me want to be a better person.”

Alex looked up, seeing that Kara was hanging onto her every word.

“It didn’t take long for me to realize I loved you. You were my sister, my best friend. You were the center of my world. I lost that feeling for a while after you graduated from Stanford. You went back home to Midvale, to figure out what you wanted to do in life. I didn’t see you as much. I started drinking and staying out late just to dance. Then Hank came and saved me. He gave me a job at the DEO. My job was about you in most ways and that helped re-center my world. I was even able to finish my dissertation between all the training he put me through.”

“So there I was a secret-agent with a PhD in bioengineering on a plane that was about to crash and there was nothing I could do. I thought about how I would never see you again and how I so desperately wanted to. I remember wishing I had canceled my trip and made you skip your date just to spend another night with you. I knew there wasn’t enough time to even call you. So I just closed my eyes and thought of you. That’s when I felt the change in velocity and looked out the window to see you holding the wing. I couldn’t believe it. I was surprised, angry, and so scared.”

Alex reached over to brush some lose strands of hair behind Kara’s ear. “But none of that compared to when we landed safely because of you. I was so relieved when you climbed on onto of the wing, soaking wet but still so beautifully alive. I remember smiling. You looked so happy. And that was the moment I fell in love with you.”

“Alex,” Kara gasped shakily. The agent allowed herself a brief kiss before continuing. She had to say it all. “But I couldn’t be in love with you, Kara, so I pushed it away. All I let myself feel that night was my fear and anger. That’s why I was so upset. I scolded you for showing your powers and I tried to manipulate you into never using them again. All I wanted to do was hold you.”

Alex gave a hollow laugh as she looked up at the sky, tears in her eyes. “Seems so stupid now, after everything. I never even thanked you for saving me that night.”

“Alex,” Kara said, trying to get the woman to look at her. When hazel eyes looked back down to meet blue ones, Alex whispered, “Thank you.”

Kara exhaled a laugh. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I am always going to save you and you are always going to protect me. That’s what we do. We take care of each other.”

The superhero stole another kiss before she pulled them both down onto the roof. It took some situating, but it wasn’t awkward. The pair had cuddled thousands of times before. Alex ended up on the bottom with the quilt behind her head as a pillow and Kara using Alex’s chest as hers. The ice cream was still ignored.

Kara couldn’t stop smiling. It made her own heart beat incredibly fast to know that Alex was in love with her. She decided it was time to confess when she had fallen in love with Alex.

“I fell in love with you after the popcorn maker.”

Alex laughed in disbelief. “No way.”

“Yes way,” Kara argued amicably from her spot. Alex decided not to argue.

“So are you trying to tell me that you fell in love with me because I introduced you to salt and butter?” Alex laughed when the thought crossed her mind, half raising her head to look at the other woman.

Kara smirked and gave a half shrug. “Well, I’m not going to lie the food did help increase my feelings for you. But no, I fell in love with you for you. I know it sounds strange. I couldn’t speak English at that point. We couldn’t hold a conversation without my translator for weeks. I still fell in love with you that night. Alex, I…I never told you why the sounds scared me.”

Alex stopped breathing for a moment. She had never even thought to ask. Her heart already hurt because she knew Kara’s story was going to make her cry.

“The pod didn’t put me right to sleep. Stasis takes a few minutes to properly set in. As I flew out of the hanger, I could hear pops. I looked down. I was still close enough to see everything. The popping sounds were cracks appearing on the planet’s surface. Fissures. People were falling into them, buildings were crumbling. Magma spewed out of some; burning everything. I looked back to see the hanger were I had left my parents was burning. Still, I kept hearing pops.”

Alex shakily exhaled, tears in her eyes like she predicted. She had had no idea that was why Kara had been petrified. She wished she could go back and hug the young girl harder and closer. She settled for hugging Kara closer now, trying to blink the tears out of her eyes.

The Kryptonian continued. “Then I fell asleep for twenty four years. I woke up on Earth scared and starving. So when you climbed under the table to hug and feed a girl you didn’t even know or like, I knew you were the one for me. It’s so cliché, right? I crashed landed on Earth and fell in love with the first available Earthling I met.”

“They should make a movie out of us,” Alex replied, trying to keep her voice from cracking. Kara laughed and amended. “It should be a TV show. Too much stuff happens in our lives to fit it in a movie.”

“True.”

“It was so strange being in love with you and wanting more but…not being able to. Alex, you would talk about me finding a guy and all I could think was that you were describing yourself. You were the one who made me smile; you were the one I could be myself with. The pink kryptonite made so much sense when I found out about it. Because once it was out of my system, I was able to think and feel all those thoughts I knew I should have about you. I was so overwhelmed. I didn’t even know how you felt about me but I had to kiss you.”

“Three times if I recall,” Alex mused in a tone that sounded smug. Kara blushed at her wantonness and hid her face in Alex’s chest. “Yes, thrice.”

“I liked them,” Alex admitted, not wanting the blonde to feel self-conscious.

“Me too.”

*

Sometime later, Alex picked up the neglected pint of ice cream. She gave it a brief shake to confirm what she knew. “Completely melted.”

Kara happily took the pint out of her hand. “Well there’s no sense in letting it go to waste.”

Alex watched, bemused, as Kara whipped off the top and proceeded to drink the liquid remains. The blonde was left with a chocolate mustache.

It was her job to take care of Kara, Alex mused as she leaned forward. That meant keeping Kara clean even when she had no napkins. So she settled on plan B which was to kiss off the bits of chocolate. Kara melted into the kiss.

Alex was well aware of alien physiology. She knew exactly why and how Kara’s body worked. Bullets would bounce off of her because her skin was impenetrable. Kara would never naturally bleed or feel pain. But she could feel and her skin did have a certain amount of leeway. Any bioengineer worth their salary would be able to discern how much she could bite a Kryptonian without damaging herself which is what she did.

Kara yipped from surprise when Alex bit her lip before moving away. “What was that for?”

 “That was for eating all the ice cream and not sharing.” Alex smirked. Just because she made a mushy, lovey-dovey decision as she pulled into the driveway about Kara didn’t mean that was going to be the entirety of their relationship.

Kara put on a pout even as she laughed. Kara knew very well of Alex’s mischievous side. The teasing and jokes weren’t going to stop. If anything, Kara was sure they were going to get worse. Kara looked forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uno mas.


	21. Scared

_“Scared but like good scared. Like, like that moment before you kiss someone for the first time.”_

Alex cursed as she tore off the yellow page she had written on off the pad and crumbled it up. She didn’t look as she threw it in the general direction of the trashcan. The floor was littered with crumbled up pieces of paper. J’onn would have a fit over recycling if he saw the mess.

Why is this so hard, she wondered, covering her face with her hands. It shouldn’t be hard to figure out how to ask her girlfriend how to marry her.

Alex groaned and leaned back in her chair. She reflected over their relationship for the past eight months.

*

They had agreed to give their relationship a try after that weekend in Midvale and promised to take it slow. They wanted a few months of keeping it to themselves before telling others about it. That idea had been completely disregarded when they returned to work on Monday.

In fairness, they hadn’t realized over thirty agents had been watching them from the moment they pulled up into the parking lot until they got to the command room. So they had no idea that people saw them share a brief kiss in the underground garage. That information had quickly spread like wildfire.

“What’s going on?” Kara asked, eyes wide in concern as they walked into a room full of people. Alex added, “Is it an alien?”

“Yeah, you certainly got the alien,” A bitter agent muttered in the background. His money had been on Lucy Lane winning Kara’s heart. Vasquez shot him a look. Her money had been on Lucy too, but she wasn’t upset about it. In her opinion, how could you not put money on Lucy Lane?

“What’s going on?” Kara repeated, more slowly. She had a feeling she wouldn’t like where this was headed. Alex definitely knew she wasn’t going to like it.

“Did it happen Friday?” J’onn asked. Alex had been an agent for three years and had received extensive training in the art of deception. Her face was an unreadable block of granite. Her girlfriend on the other hand was an open book. Kara blushed up to her ears and everyone took that as an affirmative.

Winn groaned as Vasquez handed J’onn the $350 from the pool. The hacker had been so certain the women would stew for a day and then get together on Saturday. He grumbled, “You guys couldn’t have waited twenty-four hours?”

“What. Is. Going. On?” Kara demanded to know, suddenly upset. The room quickly evacuated all non-essentials leaving Vasquez, Winn, and J’onn behind.

“We had a bet on who Kara would end up with and when,” Winn quickly blurted out. “J’onn won.”

“You betted on my feelings?” Kara asked, looking hurt and used. “My relationships aren’t a joke.”

Winn didn’t know what to say. He looked to his boss for help but J’onn had none to offer. Winn adjusted his tie, very nervous. “We didn’t mean it as a joke, Kara. You love…very hard. It started as gossip and we moved up to taking bets because no one would agree. People have seen you with Cat Grant or Lucy or Alex. They could tell you felt something for each of them. We had our own opinions on who you felt about the most. J’onn and I put our money on Alex. He just bet you two would figure it out 24 hours before I did.”

Winn continued, “Kara, no one is upset you are dating Alex. They are upset they lost their money. Well you might have ruined a few OTPS…”

“Everyone is happy for you,” Vasquez interrupted. Alex flashed the woman a hit of a smile.

“There is DEO rules about dating colleagues,” J’onn suddenly added. Alex went to attention. She knew those rules. They pretty much said ‘don’t do it’. J’onn could fire her if he wanted to.

“Luckily,” He smiled. “Supergirl still doesn’t officially work for the DEO. She’s not on our payroll. So I see no need for us to worry about an agent dating a pro-bono consultant.”

Alex relaxed again and turned to face Kara. The superhero still looked like she was processing emotions. She tugged the blonde towards her lab.

“Are you alright?” Alex asked. She moved to brush Kara’s hair back but then stopped, remembering where they were. She then remembered everyone knew so there was no point in hiding. She carried through with her motion.

“I’d thought we have more time just for us,” Kara whispered, disappointed. “I don’t care that everyone knows. I just wanted you to myself. Winn’s going to want to go on double dates now.”

“Then we politely say no,” Alex laughed. “Until we’re ready. And I hate to point out that not every ones knows. Not everyone in Kara Danvers’ life knows. There’s also my mother.”

“Oh…Yes…Eliza.” Kara remembered, gulping. She was scared of telling Eliza, but it was an excited scared.

*

Kara and Alex had been dating four months when they decided to tell Eliza. It wasn’t a special moment, like a holiday. Eliza had called to say she was coming up for to give a guest lecture at National City University and wanted to have dinner. The girls had agreed to dinner and agreed with each other that it was time.

 Alex kept glancing longing looks at Kara’s wine rack as they prepared for her mother’s arrival. God, she would love a drink.

“You can have one,” Kara called out from straightening the couch cushions. “I never asked you to stop.”

“No,” Alex replied, given herself a shake. “I can do this.”

A few weeks prior, the couple had gotten in a huge fight. Alex had spent the night crying and drinking at her apartment. Kara had found her passed out in the bathroom around 3am when she had come over to talk. The superhero had spent the next morning cuddling and coddling her invalid human. The next afternoon was spent talking over their fight like rational adults. The next night Kara had asked her to watch her drinking habits, especially when she was upset.

Alex had decided to quit cold turkey instead. She kept her drinking under control most of the time. Yet when she was upset, one drink was too many and one more was never enough. There was also the fact she wanted to live by Kara’s side as long as she could. Drinking heavily reduced the number of days they had together.

Warm arms wrapped around her stomach and Alex relaxed back into Kara’s strong body. She had to smile as her own muscles started to relax the longer Kara held her. “You are better than alcohol.”

“And you are so amazing,” Kara replied, placing a kiss on her cheek. “You inspire me.”

“Stop that,” Alex suddenly ordered, slapping Kara’s teasing hand that was trying to unbutton her shirt. Kara pouted. “You just look so cute in it.”

“Is that why you wanted me to wear it? To ravish me?” Alex teased, turning around in Kara’s embrace. It really was a tease. There had been no ravishing yet from either side. They were still waiting.

Kara pulled back in the embrace to admire her girlfriend’s shirt. “No. I just think you’re unbelievable attractive in your gray flannel. But now that I look at you, you do look super butch. You’re even wearing a leather cuff. Are you trying to give Eliza a hint?”

Alex blushed. “No. It just went with the outfit.”

Kara laughed. She was leaning down for a kiss when the doorbell rang. The pair split apart, looking like teenagers who had just been caught making out by their parents. It wasn’t too far from the truth, Kara realized.

The superhero gave Alex a smile and went to open the door.

“Eliza!” She called out, wrapping the woman in a one-armed hug as she picked up luggage in her other hand.

“Hello Kara,” Eliza smiled, kissing her cheek in the hug. She happily handed over her luggage and went to greet Alex.

“Mom,” Alex smiled, putting on her best DEO skills to work as they hugged. She did not want her mother to see how nervous she was.

“Girls, listen, I’m starved. Let’s go straight to dinner. There’s this new place on 8th that someone was telling me about.”

The pair shared a nervous look. Alex took a step forward, “Actually, Mom, we’d figure we would order in tonight.”

The older blonde looked confused. “That’s fine, dear. But we could so easily go to the restaurant and not have to worry about a thing. Is there a reason we can’t go out?”

Kara stepped forward, already wringing her hands together. “Eliza, we have something to tell you.”

Eliza braced herself against the kitchen island, fear lacing her features. “It’s about Jeremiah isn’t it?”

“What?” Kara asked. “No, no. No, Eliza. I’m sorry. We still don’t know where Project Cadmus is. We’re closer, but clues are slow and hard to come by.”

“Oh,” Eliza breathed, not sure whether to be happy or upset. She settled on both, but pushed those feelings aside to deal with later. “Then what did you want to discuss?”

“You probably want to sit down,” Kara suggested. She hadn’t planned on taking the lead during this discussion, but it was easy to see Alex was petrified of losing her mother’s love or simply disappointing her.

Eliza moved to sit at the head of the kitchen table. Alex and Kara sat next to each other on one side, Kara closest to Eliza. Kara quickly shot up as soon as she sat down. “Would you like some wine? I could open a bottle and…”

“Just tell me,” Eliza ordered. “You’re making me very nervous, girls.”

Kara settled back down and gave the older woman a sheepish look. “I’m sorry. We didn’t intend to make you nervous. Alex and I have something to tell you.”

“Oh,” Eliza brightened suddenly. “Are you moving in together?”

Kara’s held tilted. “No. Well, yes, actually. Next week. But no, that’s not what we had to tell. Actually…it is related to what we had to tell you. You see…it’s a funny story. It started with my mother’s pendant…”

Alex interrupted Kara, knowing the alien would take forever to explain the situation. “We’re dating, Mom. Kara and I are in love and we’re in a relationship.”

“Well obviously, Alex, that’s why I asked if you were moving in together,” Eliza grinned. She erupted into laughter at her daughters’ equally dumbfounded expressions.

“What?” Alex gasped, certain her hearing was messed up. Kara could hear everything in the building and she also had to wonder if she had misheard.  Kara reached blindly under the table for her girlfriend’s hand. Alex immediately latched onto it as a life line.

“I already know you two are in a relationship. Is that why we can’t go to dinner? Because I’m fine if you two want to sit next to each other,” Eliza stated.

Kara shook her head. “Wait, wait. Let’s rewind. How did you know?”

Eliza grinned, rather smug. “Winn and I had lunch a few months ago the last time I visited. I was questioning him on your dating life and he let slip a strange little comment. It didn’t take much threatening before he confessed the whole truth.”

Both women shot ugly, dark thoughts at Winn who at that exact moment in the DEO shivered.

Eliza continued, “I will admit, it took some adjusting to get used to. I had to do some research. Apparently, it’s not uncommon for older foster siblings to date later in life.”

“And you did catch the part where Kara and I are both women?” Alex asked. Eliza tried not to laugh at her daughter. Alex looked like a dog hearing a sound it just couldn’t comprehend.

“Yes, I did catch that part. Alex. Kara. It’s fine. I’m not upset or disappointed. Neither of you could have found a better person to love.” Eliza smiled. Silence fell across the table for a moment before she rose from her seat. “Now that we have that settled, can we go to dinner?”

Kara and Alex looked at each other. Eliza smiled as she watched them stand, still holding hands.

“I’ll call ahead to the restaurant.”

“And I’ll go get my SUV.”

*

Alex shook her head at that memory. Her mother never ceased to surprise her.

That trip hadn’t been without its awkward moments, Alex reflected. Eliza had felt the need to give Alex the superhero sex talk she had given Kara a decade ago. She had sat through the lesson, too mortified to even speak. She couldn’t even answer when Eliza asked if they had had sexual relations. They hadn’t then and still hadn’t, even now eight months in. They were waiting until they were married.

*

It had been their sixth month of dating and the pair was heavily making out on the couch.

“Wait,” Kara called out, pulling away. Alex was mortified. She had been pushing for third base without even realizing it and Kara clearly wasn’t ready for that. The secret agent apologized, “I’m so sorry, Kara. I didn’t mean…”

“No,” Kara interrupted, “No. I liked it. I totally want to keep going. I just needed to tell you something first.”

“Oh,” Alex said, relaxing. “Sure. Go ahead.”

Kara moved back to the other side of the couch. She absentmindedly picked up a pillow off the floor and hugged it to herself for comfort. “It’s just…us doing that…it might not be really romantic the first time. I just need you to know that.”

Alex gave her girlfriend a sympathetic smile. “Kara, I’m a bioengineer who works for the DEO. I have studied Kryptonian physiology very thoroughly. I’ve known your restrictions since you first heard them a decade ago. I was listening in from the other room. I know we have to be careful, but I think we could make it a little romantic. Most couple’s first time is a little awkward. When we’re ready, we’ll be fine.”

“I’m ready now, it’s just…I haven’t studied Earthling physiology,” Kara confessed, sharing her last secret with the other woman.

Alex heard the words, but she knew they couldn’t mean what she thought they meant. Her brain went to thought process B. “Oh, you mean being with a woman? Kara, it’s not that different. I mean…it is, but it’s a similar process. We can…”

“No, Alex,” Kara interrupted. “I mean I haven’t studied _any_ Earthling. Anybody. At all.”

Alex suddenly wished she had her own pillow to hold onto. Kara cried out in humiliation as Alex kept giving her an incredulous look and buried her face in her pillow.

“But you said…”

“I know,” Kara mumbled into the pillow. A moment passed and she felt Alex slide closer on the couch. A hand started rubbing her back and she found the strength to take her face out of the pillow.

The superhero shrunk a little as she gave a nervous smile. “I lied. Dick and I never…and I never later…I’ve never at all.”

“Why?” Alex asked, unable to comprehend her girlfriend had never made love. “You knew you could.”

“I just didn’t trust them,” Kara revealed. “It didn’t feel right like it does with you. I want to be with you, Alex. That’s why I wanted to tell you the truth first.”

Later, Kara would find it highly amusing as her confident girlfriend turned into a nervous nelly. Alex had been all set to make their first time as a couple special; certain she could out do any high school or college boys. She hadn’t known it would be Kara’s first time overall.

Later, Alex would blame the TV show “Jane the Virgin” for what she said next. It was really the only thing she could think of as to why she had said what she said.

“I’d like to wait until we’re married before we have sex,” Alex firmly stated.

Kara was taken back. “What? Why?”

“You’ve never had sex because you never trusted anyone enough with something that special. I want you to trust me implicitly when we make love for the first time.”

“I already do trust you implicitly,” Kara protested.

“But it’s more than that,” Alex continued, determined. “If we’re married, you will know I’m never going to leave you. I can’t, not by Kryptonian law. Nor would I ever want to. So I want to wait until we’re married because I can’t think of a greater gift we could share after we exchange vows to be together forever.”

“Oh,” Kara softly stated, touched by the words. “Well when you put it that way. It doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

*

At the time, it hadn’t. Just a foolish one, Alex decided. It was very hard for the couple to hold back sometimes.

That memory did give her an idea for her wedding proposal lines. If she proposed in Kryptonian, Kara was sure to say yes.

*

Alex grunted as Kara flipped her onto her back on the training platform. Immediately, the blonde was helping her to her feet. “What’s wrong with you? You have been out of it all day, Alex.”

The agent hesitated. She had been mentally reviewing her engagement plans to make sure everything was in order. They would have dinner on the roof of their apartment then she would pull out the ring and say her lines. It was a simple but elegant plan. She just kept worrying about it.

“You’ve actually been out of it for weeks,” Kara stated, placing her hands on her hips. “Alex, tell me what’s going on. Right now.”

Oh, God. Alex thought. Kara would know if she lied. Now was not the time. But the look on Kara’s face said it _was_ the time or risk hurting the blonde’s feelings.

She fought against wringing her hands, feeling more scared than she ever felt when chasing down alien criminals. Scared, but a good scared. Like the moment before you asked the love of your life to marry you.

“In the name of Rao who kindled your sun, I’m asking you, Kara Zor-El, to be by my side. I want you by my side from this day forward for all time until eternity. Will you say yes?” Alex asked in perfect Kryptonian. She had been practicing her proposal for weeks. She prayed Kara would say yes.

The problem was Kara wasn’t saying anything. Blue eyes went wide in shock and Kara’s jaw kept opening and closing.

“A…Alex did you…did you just marry us?” Kara gasped.

Alex’s hazel eyes grew large. That was not what she had intended at all. She fought not to cross her arms, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. “It was more of a marriage proposal. You know…the thing before marriage?”

A ridiculously large grin started to grow on Kara’s face as her whole body radiated in happiness. “Oh, no. You went a step beyond engagement and straight to the marriage. You just tried to marry us.”

“I did not,” Alex argued, still nervous she hadn’t received an answer. But she took the grin as a good sign.

Supergirl sauntered forward and wrapped her arms around Alex. She leaned down to place a kiss on the tense woman’s exposed collar bone. She really loved Alex’s uniform for that reason. “Oh, yes, you did. We’re standing on a Jewel of Truth. This platform is where we always spoke the truth. And you just said your half of the wedding vows. You were trying to marry us.”

“It’s kind of hard to marry someone if they still haven’t accepted your proposal,” Alex argued. The alien laughed, but met Alex’s look. She replied in Kryptonian, her voice full of warmth and love. “In the name of Rao, who shaped the moons, I will take you, Alexandra Danvers, as my wife.”

“Oh God,” Alex gasped, suddenly realizing how matrimonial it sounded. “We did just try to get married.”

Kara clicked her tongue. “I know. You didn’t even go ask permission from the hologram of my mother in the other room or Kal-El. I didn’t ask your parents’ permission. I mean I had this whole Earth wedding planned out. Eliza and Jeremiah were going to give you away, J’onn would give me away, and Kal-El would be the ring boy.”

Alex chuckled at the thought of the mighty Superman walking down the aisle as the ring barrier. She started to relax.

Kara moved down to kiss Alex’s clavicle again. She slowly placed a line of kisses up the agent’s neck until she brushed her lips just below Alex’s ear. She whispered, “We could be officially married if I say two more sentences.”

“What?” Alex asked, so completely distracted by the kisses.

“I’m a judicator. I have the power to marry any Kryptonian, including myself. You’ve said your wedding vows and I’ve said mine. Two more sentences and we’re married for real.”

Alex softly protested, not trying to be hurtful. “You aren’t really a judicator, Kara. It was just a dream.”

“I’m the closest thing Krypton has left to a judicator. I know the laws of my planet better than Kal-El; I studied them even more during my time in the Black Mercy. I took my vows even if the high council wasn’t real. So I’m asking you, Alex, would you like to get married right this moment?”

 Alex leaned back in the embrace to study Kara’s face. The blonde looked serious, very serious. Alex had meant for them to get married months down the line. She actually had a few weddings plans of her own that she wanted to carry out. Still, who was to say they couldn’t be married twice? She nodded.

Kara beamed and spoke in Kryptonian. “Alexandra Danvers and Kara Zor-El are made wife and wife this day and for all days hence. May the countenance of Rao ever shine on upon us.”

“Whoa!” Alex cried out as Kara’s arms wrapped just above her thighs and lifted her in the air. The blonde squealed in delight as she spun them around. “We just got married, Alex!”

Alex rested her hands on Kara’s shoulders, laughing once she had her balance. Kara stopped spinning and lowered Alex just enough so their lips could met in a long kiss.

“Do you know what this means?” Kara asked, her blue eyes twinkling.

Of course Alex knew. She was already mentally requesting days off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so they lived happily ever after.


End file.
